The Love Scam - MaryJanice Davidson Page 0,71
and M and E and I and A and B.”
“You still couldn’t have—” It was actually hard to talk; her lips had gone numb.
“C-H-A-R-I-T-Y-B-E-G-I-N-S-A-T-H-O-M-E-I-C-U.” When all she did was gape like a trout, he elaborated: “Charity begins at home. I see you.” He shook his head, amused. “You really hate when they renege.”
“Yes,” she managed. Cracked it. Cracked it in two days and never said a word. Cracked it for fun, to pass the time, and never said a word. “Blake’s a fool to underestimate you.” She managed to look at him and said it, one of the biggest truths of her life: “I was, too.”
“Thanks.” He seemed pleased, which was a sizable improvement over pissed.
“I can’t really tell you every—”
“Hacks and hits. That’s what you do. All around the world.”
“Yes.” His eyes. Oh his blue, blue eyes that held reproach, but not as much as she deserved. “Since before I could vote.”
“Which one was I?”
“What?”
“A hack or a hit?”
“No. Oh, no! You’re a side project.” She bit her lip, hard. “I’m sorry, let me rephrase—sometimes I take on work outside the charities.”
“To get money to fund your hacks and hits.”
“Yes! And the Big Pipe Dream.” Of course she didn’t have to explain. He’d already figured it all out. That should have been a relief. (It wasn’t.) “That’s, um, this thing that we’ve all been working toward since we weren’t much older than Lillith.”
“The off-the-books shelter network.”
“Yeah.”
“So I was a paycheck.”
She winced, but he deserved the truth. And this she could answer without breaking her word. “Yes. One I couldn’t turn down, one that would pay me in a week what I’d make in years. So we wouldn’t have to wait anymore. We can’t wait anymore. So it was a bit of a now or never situation. Or, at least, now or not for a long, long time.”
“Because fair is fair, so the ends justify the means.”
“Well, no, but—” She tried to think how that was a case of ‘Well, no,’ but after a few seconds she had to admit, “Anything sounds bad when you put it like that.”
He didn’t smile when she used his own words. “It’s worth getting caught?” Why, why did he look so sad? Just about anything else would be preferable; disappointment would be preferable. Anger. Disdain. Contempt. “Prison?”
“It’s worth everything,” she said simply. Because in the end, that was nothing but solid fact. “Even if it means tricking a wonderful guy for reasons that sounded great at first, then turned to shit. Even if you’re in it just a few days and you realize you’re the villain this time.”
“Well, you and your boss. Client? Whoever’s paying you to fuck with me, anyway.”
“It’s on me, too,” she replied firmly. “That ‘I was just doing my job’ thing has always been bullshit. Nobody made me do any of it. I made me do it.” And she had, stuck fast by her own word, and not for the first time, but definitely the worst time. “And there’s Lillith to think about.”
“Yes. But how does she fit into this?”
“Who do you think the Big Pipe Dream is for? Donna would never forgive me if I let her child fall into the foster system. Lillith would be among the first of our charges. Not just a roof over her—their—head. Private teachers and counseling and scholarships for the older kids, instead of jettisoning them out of the system the second they turn eighteen. That’s what happened to Elena. She was barely into her senior year at high school when she turned eighteen. Literally overnight you’re expected to find a place to live and feed and clothe yourself, even if you’re still in high school. But with the Big— We’re getting off track,” she realized. “So getting back to Lillith, there was a chance you were her dad, but not a guarantee, and she can’t stay in limbo. Her life has been upended quite enough—she deserves stability and a future where she’s not afraid to go to sleep. And if you were her dad—are her dad—then we’d still be able to—”
“Your off-the-books shelter would be an excellent plan B if I wasn’t up to facing my responsibilities. Because that’s also what this has been about, right? Seeing how I interact with a kid who might be mine? You needed to see me up close, you needed me to need you, because you wanted to see how I behaved during low points.”
“Yes.”
“Did I pass?”
“Yes.”
He let out a breath, and she was shocked to