“What the…?” I turn in a circle and take in the cutest baby room I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
My milky white walls are now a smoky gray. Wildlife art decorates the walls. A small dark wooden dresser sits in the corner with a lamp sitting on top of it, an outline of mountains decorating the shade.
A matching dark wooden crib sits against the other wall, wildlife sheets covering the mattress and a bear mobile hanging over the top.
In the center of the room is a round furry gray rug that matches the walls.
The room blurs as tears flood my eyes.
“What is all this?” I ask Rose.
She says nothing as she sets the car seat on the ground and starts to unbuckle Wesley from that overwhelming contraption.
“Wait, where’s my stuff?” This used to be my room, but there’s absolutely nothing of mine in here anymore. It’s like I never lived here.
“Your mom’s room.” Rose says.
“Where’s my mom’s stuff then?”
“Trash.” Rose laughs.
My jaw nearly drops to the floor at her words. “Shit, she’s going to be pissed.”
Rose wrinkles her nose and shrugs. “I give zero fucks.”
I laugh and shake my head, walking over to the closet and opening it up. My eyes going wide when I see it’s full to the brim. The closet is tiny in itself, but still, this is a lot of stuff.
Diapers. So many diapers.
Wipes.
A stroller.
A play pen.
A half-moon shaped pillow.
Bath supplies.
Just about everything and anything I could imagine a baby would need; it’s found its way to be shoved into my closet like a game of Tetris.
“Rose,” I turn around and see her standing up, staring at me with an awake Wesley in her arms. “You bought all this? I said to go to the donation place, or the Goodwill, not to buy all this stuff! It had to have cost you hundreds, thousands of dollars!”
She smiles at me, giving Wesley a little bounce when he starts to fuss.
“Rose!” I fume. I can’t help but be so, so, fucking grateful for her not only getting all of this, but spending her time putting it together in between coming to spend time with me at the hospital. But I can’t help but also feel guilty. Like I need to pay her back. I don’t want to be indebted to anyone, mostly my best friend.
“I didn’t do a thing.” She smiles and passes Wesley to me once I open up my arms for him.
“What do you mean?” I adjust Wesley when I get a bite of pain near the incision.
“Well, I put all of this together,” she waves her arm about, “but I didn’t buy a thing.”
“Who bought it, then?” My eyes burn from being so wide.
“Who do you think?” She laughs, walking around me and out to the living room. Sitting down on the couch, she grabs the remote and flips the TV on.
I follow her out. “I don’t know, why don’t you just tell me?”
Rose sighs, tossing the remote on the nearby cushion. “Come on, Cara, don’t be so damn dense. Who else do you think bought all this shit? Who would go to the absolute extreme like this? I mean seriously.”
I bite my lip, not wanting to come to the conclusion that I’m already afraid of. I know who did it. At least, I have a sneaking suspicion that I know. I just don’t know if I want it to be true.
“Do you really need me to spell it out for you?”
“It was Jackson, wasn’t it?” I breathe out, nerves choking me, making me anxious.
Rose nods, grabbing the remote and turning the TV volume up. “Bingo.”
I taste a faint flavor of copper, and I automatically release my lip from my grinding teeth.
Why would he do something like this for me? He told me that this was a mistake.
That I should have given the baby to Colton and Amanda.
That I was stupid.
This push and pull drives me mad. I’ll be driving myself crazy thinking of all the why’s and how’s. Wondering if he still has feelings for me.
Wesley starts fussing, and I snap out of my thoughts and look down at him. I’m sure he’s getting hungry. This boy eats like a champ, and I’ve barely had any issues breast feeding. If anything, my nipples are starting to get sore as hell from his constant feedings.
“I’m going to go feed him.” I mumble to Rose, still shocked that Jackson bought literally thousands of dollars’ worth of baby gear.