that they didn’t blame her for their deaths. I thought of Eric and what he said weeks back … You haven’t got paranoid schizophrenia at all, have you? You’re a fucking medium or some shit. Talking to the dead all day every day …
My feet were moving before I was conscious of it. I sat down opposite Vinnie, my fucking mug of tea shaking in my hand. “Artie,” Vinnie greeted me, his manic smile spreading on his lips. I had no idea what went on in my brother’s head. Wasn’t sure how he got through every fucking day. But out of us all, with the hallucination of Pearl by his side, he was probably—ironically—the only one who lived a somewhat normal life.
I thought that, despite the mental illness, he was happy.
“Vin.” I downed half my scalding tea. It burned as it went down my throat. Vinnie was staring into the fire, lost in his head as always. But like he could read my fucking mind, he turned to me, and I knew he was waiting for me to speak. His shoulder-length blond hair fell over half his face. My heart pounded like I’d just run a fucking marathon.
I inched forward on my chair, the rhythmic tick-tock of the grandfather clock behind me my soundtrack as I asked, “Are they okay?” My voice was so weak I wasn’t sure Vinnie had heard me. That was, until he nodded his head. I nodded back. “Did …” I stared at my hands. I placed the tea on the table between us and clasped my hands together. I lifted my eyes to Vinnie. “Did they feel pain?”
Vinnie didn’t need me to explain who I was talking about. He knew. Somehow, he always fucking knew. “No pain,” he said, shaking his head. “It was quick. Like falling asleep.”
Relief coursed through me. I exhaled a sigh and got to my feet. I was dog tired and just needed to sleep. I wanted to fucking pull Cheska close to me and close my eyes. As I passed Vinnie, I pressed a hand on his shoulder in thanks.
He grabbed my hand as I went to leave. I looked down at my brother-in-arms, and he said, “She’s glad you went back.” The hairs on my neck stood on end. “To say goodbye. She was happy to see you there.” I nodded, pretty fucking sure I couldn’t have bloody spoken if I tried.
Vinnie let go of my hand. “Your mum likes Cheska. She likes her a lot. Said she’s happy you let her into your heart … at last.” Chills spread over my skin. Because I could hear Mum saying it. Hear her thick cockney accent saying those exact words, then kissing me on the cheek.
Vinnie went back to staring into the hearth, and I went to my bedroom in a fucking daze. I threw off my clothes, then crawled into bed with my bird. I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back into my chest. “I love you,” she murmured, still mostly asleep.
As her breathing evened out, I replied, “Love you too, princess.” I knew I wasn’t ever going to be the most romantic person on the bastard planet. I was a fucking East End London gangster; my blood ran with hate and vengeance. I didn’t show love to anyone. But maybe … just fucking maybe …
I kissed the back of Cheska’s neck, hearing her sigh in response.
Maybe I could make an exception for her. Only ever for her.
Always her.
Chapter Fourteen
CHESKA
“Again,” Eric said as I wiped the sweat from my brow.
I sucked in a deep breath, then held my dagger tightly. I rushed at Eric, knocking his arm away to stop him grabbing me, and pressed the tip of my hairpin dagger to his heart.
“Good,” Eric said as I stepped back. “Better.”
I grabbed my bottle of water from the leaf-strewn churchyard ground. I gulped the cool liquid down and tipped my head back, looking up at the grey sky. It was freezing outside, but I was sweating. Hours of practice out here, amongst the old headstones, with Eric were helping me shed some of the anxiety I had been feeling lately. The pent-up frustration from the guilt that still lingered in my stomach, and the aching sadness of missing my friends, my dad, Hugo.
I faced Eric again as Charlie stepped into the churchyard with us to light a cigarette. He leaned back against the wall of the house and watched me with an amused expression on his