Long Time Running - By Hannah Foster Page 0,35

she would tell him - he just..." he paused mid stride as he met her eyes and saw the pain that can only come from hurting those you love reflected back at him. "He just...quit."

"Is that," she sniffed, "how you two ended up in New York?"

He nodded. "I was offered a fellowship here and he needed a new start."

"Everyone is entitled to a fresh start." She responded blankly as she stared at the window of her room.

They were silent for several minutes both lost in thoughts about others. Sitting on the edge of her bed, Andrew reached out and took her hand. "Listen, Nat, I need to know about the source of your trauma - the burn, the panic attacks, the nightmares. It may have an impact on your surgery."

She shook her head, her hand trembling inside his. "It...it doesn't. "

"Nat-"

"I can't," she insisted. "Please Ant, don't."

"Have you ever told anyone?" he asked gently.

She looked over his shoulder for a moment before looking back at him. "Everyone in my life already knows."

"Even Sarah?" he challenged kindly.

"She...she knows enough. I can't.....I can't talk about it."

"Okay," he agreed, squeezing her hand before she pulled it away. "I won't push. We'll get the tumor out on Saturday and then you can start re-building your life."

"My....my life is in Tanzania" she replied quietly.

Andrew shook his head. "Your sister is here. The man you are still in love with," he said pointedly, "is here." He got to his feet. "Your life is here." In more ways than you know, he thought.

Chapter 11

Nathalie held the plush bunny on her lap and stroked its soft ears. When she had awoken that morning the light brown stuffed toy had been staring back at her from the night stand. There was no note or any indication of who left it. One wasn't needed. She had immediately recognized the treasure from that long ago summer day. She could still feel the sun on her face as Eric had knocked down the milk cans to win her the now well worn toy. Why had he kept it after all these years? Her heart rushed to an answer her head would not agree with. As she continued to run her fingers through its fur she scolded herself for being ridiculously pleased with a toy. She was a 35 year old woman - a doctor no less - and a stuffed bunny should not be bringing her as much comfort as it was.

Her conversation with Andrew had served as a renewed source of strength. She had finally been able to say the words 'I'm sorry' and while he may not be the person who most needed to hear it, it helped that she said it. He had not let her off the hook for what she had done but he had not nailed her to a cross either. Both the honesty and the compassion he had provided were exactly what she needed. She was not as convinced as he was that her life was here rather than in Tanzania but regardless of where she landed when it was all over she did need to repair that which she had broken.

Pulling her locket from her neck she pried it open and stared at the picture of Jack. There was not a day - or a moment - that went by that she did not miss him. There was a hole in her heart that could only be filled by him yet she knew it never would be. She imagined him as a bright and curious boy. His birthday was a little less than week away. Every year, on his birthday, she would travel from Mbamba to Table Mountain in South Africa. She would hike on one of the trails and find a quiet space where she would sit for several hours and try to envisage the life he was leading. She would pour all of her love and hopes for him into a birthday letter that she would never send. The same letters now carefully tucked into the bottom of her suitcase. She didn't know why she had brought them with her but she was glad she had. It would be strange for her to be in New York - near his father - when his birthday came. Maybe it was time to tell Eric the truth and maybe Jack's birthday would be the right day.

A tear splashed on to the locket and she quickly wiped it away.

"You okay?"

The sound of her sister's voice