The first sight of Eric had brought it all rushing back. The pain of leaving him and the belief that it was for the best for him, the fear of being a single mother, the joy at holding him the first time and the all consuming grief at what followed rose up inside her. His birthday was approaching - he would be eight - and wondered if he still had his father's smile. She had seen the beginnings of it and loved that he had seemed to inherit the smile that had taken her breath away the first time she had seen it. It still took her breath away.
There was no doubt in her mind that she was still in love with Eric. Her pulse raced and her heart hammered every time she saw him. His presence in the room brought a heat to her body that she hadn't experienced in...since she left him . Her heart reminded her of what her mind had tried to ignore - Eric Smitherman had been and would always be the greatest love of her life. She had never been as complete as she was when she was with him and despite Keith's innate goodness, he did not and could not make her feel the way Eric did. She had allowed Keith to pull her into a relationship, partly because his persistence had worn her down and partly out of the hope that she could love someone, anyone, enough to fill the gaping hole in her heart. She had been wrong. She was now woefully confident that neither one would or could ever be replaced.
Sighing heavily and pulling her hoodie around her as she continued to stare out at the city, she considered it a just punishment that Eric could barely tolerate the sight of her. She had hurt him badly, worse than he even knew and for that it was only fair that her heart continue to belong to him, unrequited.
She still remembered the day she had taken the pregnancy test. She had been feeling miserable for almost two weeks and somewhere along the way she realized it was more than just the regular exhaustion from the grind of being a resident. One night, during a lull in a shift she had snuck away and had taken a test. As the plus sign had appeared in the window she had sunk to the floor and pulled her knees to her chest. Eric's position on children had been clear from the very beginning and she had been in agreement with it. As their relationship had grown, their plans for building a life together had followed suit and neither had made any allowances for children. But the shocking result of the test had sent her into a tailspin. The moment she had discovered she was pregnant she knew she would have to choose between the man she loved and the child she never expected to have. The ferocity with which she had instantly loved the child growing inside her also shocked her. While she was a very open minded person, there had been no other choice for her when it had come to this baby. Nathalie knew that Eric was a good man and would never leave her or their child. Just as she knew he would grow to resent both of them. On the floor of that hospital bathroom she had known her life was going to change. She just had no idea how much or how drastically.
It had been a Herculean effort for her to leave him and the afternoon that she had packed her bags she had finally understood how Atlas had felt balancing the world on his shoulders. She had not wanted to leave him - or their life - but she refused to ruin his life. She loved him too much to force him to take on the one thing he had always said he never wanted. She had accepted a fellowship in Geneva and it wasn't until she had boarded the plane that she had let the tears fall and once they started she was afraid she was never going to be able to stop. She had cried almost every day during her first month in Switzerland until her sister had arrived. Sarah had given her a stern talking to and told her they had both survived so much already that she would survive the loss of