in the apartment that afternoon, and he knew there was something wrong as soon as he saw her. But when she told him, Joe looked terrified, and he held her in his arms and cried. He felt terrible about it. In his eyes, it was no way to start a marriage. And it was certainly going to force their hand very quickly. From all she could determine, she must have gotten pregnant the first time, and she was now nearly two months’ pregnant. She couldn't wait much longer to make her own decision. And whatever he did now, she had to leave the convent. She wouldn't do anything to jeopardize the baby, and he didn't expect it. In fact, he would have done anything to stop her. They both had deep religious feelings on the subject.
“It's all right, Joe,” she said quietly, sensing his distress over it, and the enormous pressure it added to an already untenable situation. “Maybe it was meant to be this way. Maybe it's what I needed to make my decision.”
“Oh, Gabbie, I'm so sorry… it's all my fault… I never thought… but I should have.” But how could a priest even think about buying condoms? And there was certainly nothing available to her in their circumstances. They had had no choice and no options. They had been forced to take their chances. And naive as they were, it had never occurred to either of them that something like this could happen so quickly.
Now he had two people to think about, a wife, and a baby, and no way to support either of them. The prospects facing him seemed suddenly devastating, and the pressure almost beyond bearing.
“I'm going to leave St. Matthew's in a month,” Gabbie said. She had already made her decision once she realized what had happened to her. “I'll tell Mother Gregoria about it in October.” That gave him a month to figure out what he was doing. In these circumstances, it was all she could give him. She could give him longer than that, but she had to make a move herself before they all figured it out and it became the scandal of the convent.
He held her in his arms for a while that afternoon, afraid to touch her now, to damage her or the baby, and he began to cry again as he held her. “I'm so afraid to fail you in the world, Gabbie… what if I can't do it?” It was his worst fear now.
“You can do it, Joe, if you want to. We both can. You know that.” She seemed remarkably certain, given how unproven they both were.
“All I know is how much I love you,” he said, knowing that now he had not only her to think of, but their baby. He wanted to leave the church, for both of them. He wanted to be with her, and take care of her, but he still wasn't sure he could do it. ‘You're so strong, Gabbie, you don't understand. I've never known anything but the priesthood.” And she had never known anything but St. Matthew's, and a lifetime of beatings before that. And why was it that they all thought she was so strong? Her father had said the same thing to her the night before he left her. It touched a chord of memory for her now, and a deep, silent place of terror. What if Joe left too? What if he abandoned her, and their baby? The mere thought of it filled her with panic, but she didn't say a word to him as he held her. She merely clung to him silently, trying not to frighten him further.
He kissed her before she left, and she drove back to the convent lost in her own thoughts. She didn't even see Mother Gregoria watching her as she came in, or Sister Anne leaving an envelope outside her office. And she had no way of knowing later on when the Mother Superior called St. Stephen's. She met with the monsignor there that night, and came back to St. Matthew's with a heavy heart. No one knew anything for sure, but there had been rumors, and a number of phone calls from a young woman who left different names at different times. Father Connors had been out a lot lately, and, Mother Gregoria realized now, at St. Matthew's far too often. And she and the monsignor had come to an agreement that night. Father Connors would not be