Lone Prince (Royally Unexpected #7) - Lilian Monroe Page 0,70
Queen extends a hand to me. “I just wanted to meet you, is all,” she says. “I love the new design you’ve created. We can start the renovations in the spring, once the snow melts.”
I frown. “You still want me to finish the design?”
“You’re the best person for the job, and you’ve done most of the work already. Besides, firing you would only feed the gossip. The media team have decided not to address the controversy in the newspapers at all. Any official comment from the palace will only spur them on. I understand you’re leaving?”
I nod, a huge lump lodged in my throat. “Yes.”
“You’ll come back for the construction?”
“That depends…” My hand slides over my stomach.
Her eyes flick down to the movement, pain flashing across her face for the briefest moment.
“I’m keeping it,” I blurt out. “If I have to return during the palace construction, I’ll be eight or nine months pregnant. The media…”
“Of course. We’ll make arrangements for things to be done remotely if necessary.” The Queen walks to the door, every step graceful and measured. She turns to look at me, eyes soft. “If you need to visit the site, we’ll arrange for you to travel privately. I’m sure you’ll want to see your work when construction is finished.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty.” I drop into a curtsy as my heart hammers. The Queen walks out of the office as my ears ring.
She knows I’m carrying Wolfe’s child. Why did she tell me about Abby’s baby? Was it to make me feel bad about leaving?
…Or was it so I’d understand why Wolfe left without saying goodbye?
Sadness crushes me. I sit down because it’s too difficult to stand. Everything hurts. I feel like I’ve taken Wolfe’s child away from him after he suffered such an awful loss four years ago, but at the same time, I need to think about what’s best for me and my child.
The Queen didn’t try to convince me to stay. She didn’t tell me to chase after Wolfe and follow him to the Summer Palace. The only reason she didn’t want to fire me was because it would look bad in the media.
Telling me about the Prince’s loss wasn’t some ploy to get me to feel sorry for him. Everything she told me was in order for me to understand the position of the palace, and make sure there was the least amount of controversy possible.
I’m not part of this world. Even though I’m carrying Wolfe’s child, I’m just a satellite orbiting around him. I’ll never belong here, and the best thing for me to do is leave. I knew that yesterday, and nothing has changed. I need to go—for all of us.
Sliding my hand over my stomach, I squeeze my eyes shut and draw strength from the only thing I know is true. I’m having a baby, and I love it with all my heart.
29
Wolfe
The Summer Palace is cold, and lonely, and desolate—and it feels like home. Days march on at a slow crawl as the wind howls outside and fires crackle in every hearth.
Chief stays by my side, and he’s my only anchor in a world that doesn’t make sense.
Twice, I’ve loved. Twice, a woman has carried my child. Twice, I’ve lost. Those words ring in my head like church bells every hour, on the hour.
I thought the pain of Abby’s death was the deepest cut I’d feel—but somehow, Rowan leaving feels worse. I know she’s somewhere south of here, living her life without me. I know our child is growing in her womb, and I might never get to meet it.
I could have her if things were different—but they’re not. She doesn’t want my life, and she’s not here.
It’s a painful, slow kind of torture to watch the seconds tick by, knowing I’m alone. I’ll be alone.
On a clear day in December, I take the dogs out to the visitor’s cottage. As soon as I get there, I’m wrapped up in my own sadness. I see Rowan everywhere. On the couch, where I first told her about Abby and she opened up about her mother. In the studio, where her eyes lit up. In the bedroom, where—
I turn away, shaking my head. That’s where everything went wrong. In that bed is where I crossed a line and allowed myself to believe I could have a better life. That I deserved happiness. That I might have met someone who meant something to me.