somewhere near the coast. It felt almost painful to think of him living life without her intricately woven into it.
He saw her hold up his copy of Pride and Prejudice, the paper yellowed, crisp on each turn. She thought of his photograph in her pocket. “I’ve got this, haven’t I?” Though she kissed him on the cheek, he still felt the gravity of uncertainty pulling at him. “I’ll see you later, alligator.” And moments later she was out through the door, into the brisk morning as it played out under a clear blue sky, the sun so close to the horizon that it would soon skim past the Porthsennen rooftops for the last time before next spring.
“In a while, crocodile,” he eventually said, but she was already heading up the hill, limping with one shoe and a sore ankle out of view, already too far away to hear.
Now
Elizabeth was pleased to leave the chaos of the Accident and Emergency department behind. The bed they found for Tom was on the chest ward, and despite the sound of coughing that resonated down the corridor, the place was altogether a relief. Only then did Elizabeth allow herself to think of the previous days at home, the difficulties they had faced in the simple effort of existence. How many dirtied clothes had she washed when Tom had failed to get to the toilet in time, and how few hours had she really slept for the fear? Fear of what? Losing him? It didn’t do to say it, not even let herself think it, but that was how bad his chest had sounded to her over the last forty-eight hours. Being on the ward, at least she felt as if she was no longer fighting alone.
The relatives’ room offered some calm as she waited with Alice while the nurses checked him in. They didn’t speak, instead passed the time following along with the morning’s television, which was already playing when they first opened the door. Brian was there by then, sitting with his arm across Alice’s shoulders, stroking gently at the side of her neck. His eyes looked tired, swollen with tears, a strange comfort for Elizabeth from a smart-looking stranger. After a while he offered to get them a cup of coffee, and Alice said she wanted one too, which served as a decent enough excuse for her to follow him out of the room. It was a welcome respite, Elizabeth realized once she had a moment to herself. Reaching into her bag, she pulled out her phone and typed a message as Kate had taught her.
I’m not sure if you received my messages the other day, but I would really love it if we could talk. It’s important. Love you, Mum xx
In a second bag on the floor she saw folded clothes, pajamas, and a wash bag. When night settled, she would have to leave him here, return to that house. Had she spent her last night with him? It was hard not to cave into the Murphy’s Law of thinking; they had hardly fulfilled any of their wishes. They had so many things left undone. Tears filled her eyes. There hadn’t been enough nights together yet. But there never could have been, she realized. Not anymore.
A moment later a nurse with a kind smile popped her head round the door. “He’s all settled now. Want to sit with him?”
Her feet clip-clopped down the corridor until she reached his bed space, found him wearing a pair of hospital pajamas that seemed to make him look even more unwell than he had when they’d arrived. His left eye still seemed droopy, but there was a softness to his features that elicited some relief for Elizabeth. He didn’t look to be in pain as he was before.
“Is he asleep?”
“No,” the nurse said, giving Elizabeth a quick rub on the arm. “But we gave him some painkillers, and they seem to have taken effect. You take a seat just there. The doctor will be along soon.”
Tom was resting in one of the six beds that made up the communal bay, and considerable noise rattled from one wall to the next, like wasps trapped in a jar, unable to escape. Yet the environment was remarkably reassuring after a few days alone at home.
“I’ll just be glad when the doctor arrives, eh, love,” Elizabeth said to Tom. Some of the wishes were still in her pocket. One she knew was from 1988; he wished he could take