She supposed it was near impossible to get to sixty-seven and not have regrets, but by God did she wish she could go back and change a few things.
“All I know is that you really don’t want to get to our age and wish things had been different.”
“He still calls all the time, you know? But we used to fight so much, and wanted different things. How am I supposed to know what the right choice is?”
“You just have to try your best, love. The only way you can say that is if you’ve exhausted all possibilities. Same as going to Porthsennen. I know you’re worried about the trip, but we’ll never know if he can do it if we don’t try.”
Alice nodded. “He was very disappointed not to have gone there this year to deliver the flower to you in person.” Elizabeth must have looked shocked, because then Alice said, “I know all about it. All those wishes he made for you both.”
The thought of Tom telling Alice about his dreams with Elizabeth left her feeling a deep sense of loss for the life they could have lived. Yet without his marriage Alice would never have been born. Life was confusing, she realized. Even after all those years of experience.
“I’m sorry I was a bit off at first,” Alice said. “I’m not at my best just lately.”
“Please don’t apologize, love. I’m the one here in your house. A stranger. And it’s not exactly an easy time, is it?”
“No, it’s not, but you’re hardly a stranger. Dad used to talk about you, when I was old enough to understand. All those wishes and not one of them came true, eh?” Elizabeth smiled; all she could do. “Do you really think he can make the journey?”
It would be tough, Elizabeth knew that, and she had her own fears about whether the long trip would make Tom worse. But he had cancer, and she knew she had to do everything she could for him now. If going back to Porthsennen would make him happy, then they had to go.
“I think we could try,” Elizabeth said, just as Alice’s phone beeped.
“I’d best get going,” she said, standing up and reaching for her coat. “I’ve got a lot to do.”
“Okay, love. And think about what I said about Brian,” Elizabeth whispered as she followed her through to the hallway. “I appreciate you asking me about it, really I do.”
“And I appreciate the advice.” Alice opened the front door and stepped out into the fading light. “You know something, Elizabeth? I know we don’t really know each other, but I’m really glad you’re here.”
“Where else would I be?”
The cold was biting, so Alice braced against it, wrapped her scarf around her neck. “The garden is looking dreadful. You should let Jim from next door know. He always puts the mower around when Dad asks him to.”
Elizabeth looked at the overgrown grass. “I’ll speak to him in the morning.”
After watching Alice disappear around the leafy corner that Elizabeth had first walked around so many years before, filled with hope and love for a life with Tom, she closed the door to a quiet house. Alone again, Tom sleeping and unaware. Her eyes fluttered closed as she held on to the door handle, listening to the troubled sound of Tom’s labored breathing. Was there still time to put right the things she had done so wrong, and make his wishes come true? With her eyes closed for just a moment, she dreamed of a different life. But when she opened them again, she found that nothing had changed, and the cancer settled back over the present like a winter fog blanketing the coastline of Porthsennen, drenching everything in its path.
Then
True to his word, Tom was waiting for her when she arrived at the foot of Cove Hill, his feet dangling over the seawall. Trails of smoke drifted skyward as he puffed on a small hand-rolled cigarette, and when he sensed her behind him, he tossed it toward the shiny granite rocks beneath his feet.
“I thought you’d changed your mind,” he said. After stopping to speak with Margaret, who wanted all the details pertaining to the need for a cover story, her arrival had been delayed. Well, that, and because she had changed her clothes multiple times before deciding to stick to the same trousers she had been wearing that morning. They were most practical and were her only pair, but also, she didn’t want to overdo it.