around, worried he’d seen someone, but no one was there. “What are you looking at?”
He put his finger over his lips, shushing her, and pointed to a branch as two dragonflies took flight.
“There’s your sign, dragonfly girl.”
Goose bumps chased up her arms. “I can’t believe it.”
“Believe it, sweetheart. This is your moment. It’s your decision, but I think the universe is giving you a nudge in the right direction. Do you want to give it a try? Let all those bad feelings fly?”
“Sort of. But I’m nervous,” she said anxiously.
He held out his hand, and when she took it, he held tight and said, “I’m right here, and nothing bad is going to come from getting out your true feelings. You can do this, Chloe, and I promise you’ll feel better afterward.”
“Or I’ll just be embarrassed.”
“You’ll never know unless you try. Those bad thoughts are like the stuff in your stomach when you’re sick and you can’t throw up. They fester and burn, and then when you finally get them out, you’re like, cool, now I can sleep.”
“That’s disgusting. True, but disgusting.”
“Get that emotional barf out of you, baby.”
“Okay, I’ll try.” She closed her eyes, mustering her courage. Her heart slammed against her ribs as she opened her eyes and said, a little louder than normal, “I hate that my mother tried to make me feel guilty.”
“What was that?” he teased. “I could barely hear you.”
She rolled her eyes and said a little louder, “I hate that—”
“Louder, Chloe.” He squeezed her hand and said, “Let that shit go.”
She filled her lungs with the salty sea air and shouted, “I hate that my mother made me feel guilty! I hate that she hurt me and Serena! I hate that she didn’t want to be our mother! I hate that I never knew my father!” Looking through the blur of tears and panting for air, she couldn’t stop the hate from spewing out. “I hate the men who hurt me, and I hate the people who hurt you! And the pigs that hurt Shadow and all those other dogs!”
“That’s it, sweetheart, let it all out.”
She was out of breath and felt a little better, but at the same time, more words vied for release, the secrets she hated most. It took all her confidence and all her trust to set them free.
“I hate that I’m scared I’ll turn into my mother and I won’t love my kids enough” fell quietly, mortifyingly, from her lips, bringing a rush of tears. She knew she and Justin weren’t at the talking-about-kids point in their relationship yet, but she’d known the moment she’d seen him with Joey and with Hadley that he was meant to be a father, and he deserved to know her fears.
“Oh, sweetheart,” Justin said sadly, gathering her in his arms. “That’s why you looked scared when the girls made those comments at breakfast about having babies.”
She nodded. “I want kids,” she choked out, swiping at what felt like endless tears. “I really do. But I’m scared.”
“I get it, and it makes total sense for you to be scared. But you need to know, to truly believe, that you could never be her. The proof is in your past, baby. Even as a little girl you had better maternal instincts than your mother. You raised Serena, and you did it with love and respect. You are the one who taught her to be strong. You made sure she went to school and took care of all the things that helped her become the successful, smart, kind person she is. She wouldn’t be all those things if not for you, Chloe.”
He brushed away her tears with the pads of his thumbs and said, “And you, my beautiful, strong girl, are even more amazing than your sister. You care so much, you hollered about Shadow and the other dogs. That should tell you something about your ability to love.”
She pressed her face to his chest, smiling as gratitude swelled inside her. She dried her eyes and gazed up at him, asking, “How do you know just what to say to make me feel better?”
“It takes no thought, babe. It’s the truth. I know all too well how hard it is to look in the mirror and see the person we’ve become and not the one we’ve spent our lives trying to outrun.”
“That’s exactly it.” She drew in a few cleansing breaths, feeling less ravaged and stronger with each one. “Getting it out helped, too. Thank