Once she and Meredith had put their things away, however, the evening fell into a familiar pattern. It was hard to keep hold of her uneasiness sitting in Bonnie's cluttered living room beside a roaring fire, with a cup of hot chocolate in her hand. Soon the three of them were discussing the final plans for the Haunted House, and she relaxed.
"We're in pretty good shape," said Meredith at last. "Of course, we've spent so much time figuring out everyone else's costumes that we haven't even thought about our own."
"Mine's easy," said Bonnie. "I'm going to be a druid priestess, and I only need a garland of oak leaves in my hair and some white robes. Mary and I can sew it in one night."
"I think I'll be a witch," said Meredith thoughtfully. "All that takes is a long black dress. What about you, Elena?"
Elena smiled. "Well, it was supposed to be a secret, but... Aunt Judith let me go to a dressmaker. I found a picture of a Renaissance gown in one of the books I used for my oral report, and we're having it copied. It's Venetian silk, ice blue, and it's absolutely beautiful."
"It sounds beautiful," Bonnie said. "And expensive."
"I'm using my own money from my parents' trust. I just hope Stefan likes it. It's a surprise for him, and... well, I just hope he likes it."
"What's Stefan going to be? Is he helping with the Haunted House?" said Bonnie curiously.
"I don't know," Elena said after a moment. "He doesn't seem too thrilled with the whole Halloween thing."
"It's hard to see him all wrapped up in torn sheets and covered with fake blood like the other guys," agreed Meredith. "He seems... well, too dignified for that."
"I know!" said Bonnie. "I know exactly what he can be, and he'll hardly have to dress up at all. Look, he's foreign, he's sort of pale, he has that wonderful brooding look... Put him in tails and you've got a perfect Count Dracula!"
Elena smiled in spite of herself. "Well, I'll ask him," she said.
"Speaking of Stefan," said Meredith, her dark eyes on Elena's, "how are things going?"
Elena sighed, looking away into the fire. "I'm... not sure," she said at last, slowly. "There are times when everything is wonderful, and then there are other times when..."
Meredith and Bonnie exchanged a glance, and then Meredith spoke gently. "Other times when what?"
Elena hesitated, debating. Then she came to a decision. "Just a sec," she said, and got up and hurried up the stairs. She came back down with a small blue velvet book in her hands.
"I wrote some of it down last night when I couldn't sleep," she said. "This says it better than I could now." She found the page, took a deep breath, and began:
"October 17
"Dear Diary,
"I feel awful tonight. AndIhave to share it with someone .
"Something is going wrong with Stefan and me. There is this terrible sadness inside him that I can't reach, and it's driving us apart. I don't know what to do.
"I can't bear the thought of losing him. But he's so very unhappy about something, and if he won't tell me what it is, if he won't trust me that much, I don't see any hope for us.
"Yesterday when he was holding me I felt something smooth and round underneath his shirt, something on a chain. I asked him, teasingly, if it was a gift from Caroline. And he just froze and wouldn't talk anymore. It was as if he were suddenly a thousand miles away, and his eyes... there was so much pain in his eyes that I could hardly stand it."
Elena stopped reading and traced the last lines written in the journal silently with her eyes. I feel as if someone has hurt him terribly in the past and he's never got over it. But I also think there's something he's afraid of, some secret he's afraid I'll find out. If I only knew what that was, I could prove to him that he can trust me. That he can trust me no matter what happens, to the end .
"If only I knew," she whispered.
"If only you knew what?" said Meredith, and Elena looked up, startled. "Oh-if only I knew what was going to happen," she said quickly, closing the diary. "I mean, if I knew we were going to break up eventually, I suppose I'd just want to get it over with. And if I knew it was going to turn out all right in the end, I wouldn't mind anything that happens now. But just going day after day without being sure is awful."
Bonnie bit her lip, then sat up, eyes sparkling. "I can show you a way to find out, Elena," she said. "My grandmother told me the way to find out who you're going to marry. It's called a dumb supper."
"Let me guess, an old druid trick," said Meredith.
"I don't know how old it is," said Bonnie. "My grandmother says there have always been dumb suppers. Anyway, it works. My mother saw my father's image when she tried it, and a month later they were married. It's easy, Elena; and what have you got to lose?"
Elena looked from Bonnie to Meredith. "I don't know," she said. "But, look, you don't really believe..."