Lines Drawn (Drawn to You #2) - Ker Dukey Page 0,56

be lost forever, to feel this pain forever, and for that, I need you to let go because I may be able to someday forgive you, but never what you did. It’s over.”

How can we tolerate so much pain and agony without actually dying from it? Her words slay me so deep the scars will never fully heal. It’s really the end for us.

GAVIN GAVE ME THE space I needed to deal with the showdown with Finlay. Him hitting Fin was so unexpected that shock replaced the numb death seeping into me with the words that Julie was pregnant. It hurts that a manipulative, destructive bitch has something I don’t, but the anger only hurts me further. It’s me that’s being destroyed by this, and she wins the more I let it break me.

There is no way I would ever forgive what he did, but forgiving myself for loving him and hurting is what I need to do.

Knowing it’s truly over for us will help us both heal. Tomorrow, I may not be able to get out of bed when the paralyzing reality sinks in, but eventually it will hurt less, and I’ll learn, grow, heal.

You know you faithfully loved someone when you can’t hate them, even when they break your heart. In anger I may have told him I did, and even believed it in the moment, but I could never hate him because love is the more dominant emotion and it overrules what I want to feel.

Working on me is how I go forward.

I look for hope in the beauty of the world around me. When it’s dark and no one is around, the moon still shines, the stars still sparkle, so even though some days I struggle, I can close my eyes and know there’s still a spark inside me, shimmering, fighting the demons, the darkness.

My phone lights up with a text from Gavin.

Mary took your paintings into class for you. They look sensational. You killed it.

There’s the spark. I completed my series, and it was therapeutic to lose myself in my art.

Gavin has been an anchor for me. I don’t know how I would have coped without him. He’s my cheerleader, my friend, defender, and protector. In all this chaos, he gives me the grip I need to hold onto my sanity. To think back to how he was when we first met is like night and day. But I always knew this soft, gentle-hearted Gavin was underneath the confident womaniser. Gaby really lost out by not grabbing hold of him with both hands.

Texting back a thank you, I go to the piano.

Breaking free from the chains of agony,

The binds of loving you, fearing me,

Hiding from reality, I’m finding me, finding me

Chaos follows me,

Pain, death, agony,

Save yourself,

Save me,

Save me from the demons trapped inside my reality.

The key sticks and makes a dull sound. Checking inside, there appears to be a string missing. It’s not snapped, just gone. What the hell?

Aidan sometimes comes over to use the piano. He must have removed it to replace a broken one.

Being left alone maybe wasn’t a good idea, because my mind can be the enemy when I don’t have an outlet.

Grabbing my cell, I bring up Gavin’s name. He answers on the second ring.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“I want to be alone but then I’m lonely.”

“Well, do you want to be alone with company? We can go to the beach.”

A small gasp leaves my lips. I’d love that. I’m so grateful that he shared his place with me. “Don’t you have work?”

“I keep telling you, the boss can do what he likes.”

Am I being selfish relying on him this much? When he’s not at work, he’s here.

“Antonia,” he says. “You think too much. Be ready in ten minutes and meet me outside.”

Slipping some shorts on and grabbing a couple of bottles of water, I go down to meet him to find glass everywhere. One of the windows to the main entrance is shattered. Gavin is on the phone, pointing to the glass. He notices me and hangs up.

“That wasn’t like that when I left.”

“What do you think caused it?’

“Probably kids.”

It’s a good Neighbourhood so vandalism is rare.

“I’ve left Fin a message. Come on, there’s nothing we can really do.”

The beach is empty just like last time. Water crashes against the sand bringing in the tide.

“We have Gaby’s dinner this weekend.” He scrunches his nose while saying it.

“Fun!” I quip.

“She wants me to bring a date.” He shakes his head and kicks up