Lines Drawn (Drawn to You #2) - Ker Dukey Page 0,54
this week, I find it easier to open up to her the more I see her.
“I thought about what you said.”
“Which is?”
“What I used to want from my life.”
She nods her head for me to continue.
“Art has always been where I find the most peace. Peace, love, and happiness. Isn’t that what everyone wants from life?”
“Everyone is different, therefore want different things.”
Straightening in my chair, my fingers twirl a strand of hair that’s escaped the band holding it all in place. I shrug, sitting back and looking out the window at the frost blanketing the ground, killing the life beneath it. That’s how I felt at first. Like the devil clutched me in his grip, infecting me so everything I touched got destroyed or tried to destroy me.
“What do you want from your life now? Is it the same things?”
“With Jackson still out there, I don’t think I’ll ever get peace.”
“And love?”
“I gave it too much power over me. Finlay took all I had and executed me with it.”
“Happiness?” she asks, folding her arms.
Looking directly at her for an answer, I ask, “Can we have that without the other two?”
Silence descends and the fear of her telling me no bites away at the hope I have to someday feel a piece of happiness again.
“When you suffer a betrayal from someone you love, it can leave you questioning a lot of things, and happiness or peace seems to be an impossible feat. But you’re stronger than you think, and you have the power to heal. This hopeless sadness you feel will pass.”
THE MORE I DRINK, the more I think about her. Her memory, her scent, is everywhere, and it’s torture. It’s self-inflicted pain and no one has sympathy for the asshole that broke everything, and I don’t want it, I just want the self-loathing to pass. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror, too ashamed of the guy looking back at me, judging, blaming, hating.
It’s a long way up from where I’ve fallen, and getting up seems impossible. Antonia won’t talk to me or see me, and everyone I once relied on has drifted away. Without the business and Antonia, I don’t know who I am anymore.
If I could bear the thought of not seeing her, even glimpses in passing, I’d make a clean break and spend some time traveling.
Checking my watch, irritation crawls over my skin.
She’s late.
Julie called and asked to come over. Like fuck was I having her anywhere near my place, but if I didn’t meet up with her to find out what’s so urgent, she would come over anyway and cause trouble.
The car door opens and she slips into the passenger seat.
“Hey.” She grins like she hasn’t a care in the world.
Don’t choke her to death with the seatbelt. Don’t choke her to death with the seatbelt.
“What do you want, Julie?”
“Nice to see you too. “
“Julie.”
She huffs and opens her purse, handing me a stick. I know what it is and I’m going to drive us both off a cliff.
“Positive,” she says, before rummaging around and handing me a piece of paper. My hands are shaking as I take it from her.
“What’s this?”
“Gestation. It’s not yours.”
Argh. Fuck. Exhaling, I almost cheer. The relief washes through me and brings tears to my eyes. Thank God. Breaking that news to Antonia if it was mine would have never happened. I’d have taken Julie away and never darkened Antonia’s door again.
“You could have told me this over the phone.”
“And miss the look on your face?”
“Are you ever going to stop playing games?”
She takes the items back and stuffs them in her bag. “You were never a game to me, Finlay. You know how I feel about you yet you still used me anyway. So, who’s the game player?”
She opens the door and goes to exit.
“It’s not going to make a difference to Antonia. She’s not taking me back, we’re over. But I need to know. That night, the one I can’t remember, did we really…”
She rolls her eyes and nods in confirmation. “Yes, we fucked, Fin. I’m sorry. If you want me to lie and say we didn’t, I will.”
“Bye, Julie, and good luck.”
“It’s Brad that’s going to need that when I drop this bomb on him.”
Running my hands through my hair, I breathe out a sigh. Risking Antonia finding out about Julie’s pregnancy and coming to the conclusion it’s mine is not something I’m going to do, so now I need to hope she will hear me