Lightbringer (Empirium #3) - Claire Legrand Page 0,190

keep watch for him. Every passing moment brought them closer to when he would regain his strength and come hunting. Hours, Ludivine had guessed, and only a few of those.

Eliana burrowed against Navi’s side, greedy for her warmth. She thought of how Navi had kissed the sharp-eyed, sharper-mouthed woman, Ysabet, before retreating to Eliana’s room. How their fingers had interwoven, a lingering touch, before moving apart. It should have brought her nothing but joy to know her friend had found a lover. But it only made her think of how little time she herself had had with Navi, and Zahra, and everyone she so fiercely loved, and how all of that time had been while they were at war.

At last, Navi blew out a sharp breath. Her left hand stroked Eliana’s hair.

“Well,” she said, and then said nothing else. Eliana looked up at her, studied her face. The fine cut of her jawline, her thick black lashes. She fiddled with the hem of Navi’s sleeve, glad she was saying nothing else. She didn’t need to; Eliana could see everything she felt on her face.

She asked quietly, “Are you ashamed of me?”

“Because you pity him?” Navi’s voice was gentle. “Of course not. I admit I pity him myself. But I pity you far more, and I am glad that I nor any of my people have seen him today. He is wise to keep himself hidden away. I’m not sure I could have restrained Ysabet, and she’s never even met the man.”

Eliana smiled a little. Silence fell between them, a long, unhurried pull of peace.

“I’m angry that I have to do this,” she whispered into the quiet.

Navi’s fingers were tender in her hair. “As am I, my darling.”

“I’m angry that I want to.” Eliana pushed on before Navi could respond, “I shouldn’t want to let him in again, to accept him, to allow him his power. For months, I’ve guarded myself against memories of him. I’ve wanted to hurt him. I’ve tried many times. But now, when I think of what’s been done to him, I hate him less. When I think of seeing him again, knowing what I now know, I feel this awful relief. He has suffered, and so have I. All those weeks of pain in Corien’s palace… He has lived through years of that. He understands.” She drew a quaking breath. “And then I hate myself for thinking about this when there is so much else to think about, so much else to—”

She swallowed against the hard ache in her throat. The words danced on her tongue. If I do this, Navi, if I manage it, we will never have met. Maybe you will never have been born.

Or maybe Navi would be born to her lovely family in Astavar. She would grow up in Vintervok without a dark future on the horizon. No war, no spy work, no suffering in the Orline maidensfold.

“There is too much hate in the world already,” Navi replied after a moment. “Why direct more of it at yourself?”

Then Navi shifted until they were both on their sides, facing each other. She pressed her brow to Eliana’s.

“We don’t have much time,” Eliana whispered. It could have been said about any of them, about any part of this, but she knew Navi would understand her meaning. “I don’t have to forgive him, she said. I just have to open my heart to him again.” She laughed a little, tears on her lashes. “What little of it there is left.”

“Then go to him,” Navi said quietly. “And be kind to my friend. Her heart is stronger than she thinks, no matter what evil tries to break it.”

Eliana kissed Navi’s cheek. She closed her eyes and lingered there against Navi’s soft skin. Then she rose from the bed and did not look back.

• • •

She found him in a small chamber situated far from the others. Her steps carried her there on fluttering wings of nerves, and when she knocked and heard his summons, every muscle in her body tensed. Panic splintered swiftly inside her, a widening crack in thin ice. She considered turning away, leaving him, demanding of Ludivine another solution. How could she accept or even face this man who had hurt her?

This man who had suffered just as she had. This man who, like her, knew very well the true breadth of Corien’s cruelty.

She did not turn away.

She entered the room, found Simon sitting at the edge of a tiny bed that looked