I can’t find it in myself to comfort her, either. Can’t she see that I’m no good for her? That I’ll never really be the kind of guy she needs in her life? Someone stable and good and responsible?
“Goodnight,” I say, turning to open the door.
I pause, part of me hoping that she’ll wrap her arms around me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. Part of me wanting her to stop me from going inside.
But she simply says, “Goodnight.”
I go inside, slamming the door at the top of the garage stairs. I set the guitar case down on the couch and go to the fridge to grab another beer.
I was a fool to think life was perfect and good. Nothing that good ever lasts. Not in my life. Jo would be better off without me, anyway. I’m no good. A loser who never had a real job or a real relationship in his life.
I sit down on the couch, knowing I’m not going to be able to sleep. Not with my mind racing the way it is.
Which is when my phone rings. The caller ID says it’s Willow.
I take another drink of my beer, my stomach rolling. I probably shouldn’t answer, but this somehow feels like a sign. A way out of all the stress that’s just been piled on my shoulders.
“Hello?”
“Happy birthday, birthday boy,” she shouts. There are voices in the background singing happy birthday, and I recognize the band members. “What are you up to?”
“I’m actually sitting at home alone drinking a beer,” I say.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she says, laughing. “What happened to the Colton I used to love?”
“I guess I got boring,” I say, laughing, but feeling no joy in the sound.
“Bullshit,” she says. “We’ve got a party roaring out here at the beach house just for you. Why don’t you come on out here and hang out for a bit? Just like old times?”
“I don’t know,” I say, thinking of Jo and how I left things with her.
“It’ll be fun, I promise,” Willow says. “Besides, we got a call from our manager that there’s another band who just lost their opening act. I’m talking a huge country band, Colton. They want us to come play with them for their last few concerts. It’s a big opportunity for us.”
“So you’re leaving town?” I ask.
“Tomorrow night,” she says. “Come party with us, for old time’s sake. You can’t let us leave without giving us one good night. Besides, it’s your birthday. Let loose and live a little.”
I bite my lip and look around my lonely apartment. I know I shouldn’t go, not with Jo already mad at me and things so weird between us. But damn, I could really use a good time right now. The kind of good time where everything else fades into the background for a little while.
I pull Owen’s card out of my pocket and turn it over in my hands, the audition date written on the back in Jo’s handwriting.
Maybe I’m really not good enough for her. Maybe she wants me to be more, just like my dad does. And maybe he’s right, I’m going to be nothing but a disappointment to her anyway.
If I’m going to sabotage this relationship, I may as well have fun doing it.
“What the hell,” I say. “I’ll be there in half an hour.”
Willow screams and tells the band. Everyone in the background is cheering as I hang up the phone and go to grab my keys. I dump the rest of my beer down the sink and stand there for just a minute, knowing I’m making the wrong decision. Knowing I might be throwing it all away.
But wondering if that’s just the kind of guy I am. The kind of guy I was always meant to be.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Daddy takes my hand when the doctor finally comes in. We both know this is the appointment we’ve been waiting for. Finally, we’re going to have some answers, and I just pray it’s the kind of answers we need. I pray the neurologist is going to give us an easy treatment plan that will get my dad back on the road to being healthy again and feeling like his old self.
“Good morning, Mr. Warner. Miss Warner,” Dr. Walsh says. He sits down at his desk and places a folder in front of him. He sighs, and the weary sound reaches into me, breaking my heart before he even says a word. “I’m afraid