still early fall, and it’s an unusually cool night for this time of year, but it’s as if the kiss stole all my warmth and left me feeling vulnerable.
“I like you, Jo. More than I can possibly put into words,” he says. “Tonight has been one of the best nights I’ve had in a long time, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want more of that. But I don’t want to rush you into anything you aren’t sure about yet, either. If you’re guarded, I know there’s probably a reason behind that, too, and I’m not going to push you into telling me why. I just want you to know I understand and I see it and I’m willing to take this slow if that’s what you need. I just want to be close to you.”
His words take my breath away. I’ve never had a guy speak so plainly and honestly to me, just putting his heart out there on the line without holding anything back. I have no idea how to do the same thing for him.
I can’t speak, so I rest my head against his chest, closing my eyes as his strong arms wrap around my body and hold me close. I listen to the rapid beating of his heart and lean into the rise and fall of his breaths. I concentrate on the way his fingers feel as they create lazy patterns across my back. I breathe in, loving the scent of him and the way his body warms me and makes me feel safe, despite my fear.
Colton is more patient than I expect him to be, and he holds me this way for a long few minutes as we stand together, just breathing and being. I try to imagine what it might feel like to have a man like him in my life. Someone I could depend on and have fun with and talk to. Someone I could fall in love with and trust with my darkest secrets.
For the longest time, I’ve refused to believe it was possible for someone like me. I thought that maybe I was just destined to be alone. But now, there’s hope of something more.
Is Colton the kind of guy who’s going to stick around, though? Or is he just looking for someone to have a good time with for a little while?
That’s the question that keeps rolling around in my brain like a marble.
Life would be so much easier if I just had a crystal ball and could glance into the future to see if this could work out between us. Will he love me? Or will he hurt me? The not knowing is what scares me most. I know what it’s like to regret falling in love, and I’m not sure I could survive that a second time. It nearly destroyed me once, and I never thought I would want to give any other guy a chance to do it again.
Not until now.
I finally pull away and take a deep breath.
Colton smiles slightly and waits, not taking his hands from my waist.
“You’re right. I’m scared,” I say. “I’m not good at this kind of thing. I’m not good at anything that makes me feel out of control or uncertain, and getting into a relationship is just about the most out of control thing there is in my mind. All I know right now is that I liked the way it felt to kiss you.”
His face breaks out into an even bigger smile. “Well, that’s a good start, then,” he says.
I can’t help but smile back, which is what I’m always doing around him. He makes me happy, I realize, and how can I turn away from happiness?
“Tonight took me by surprise, and I might need some time to work out how I’m really feeling about all of this, but for now, I just want you to kiss me again before I change my mind,” I say. If I thought my heart was racing before, now it was practically lifting off.
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” he mumbles before he tilts his head toward mine.
I giggle and throw my arms around his neck, holding on as he kisses me again.
I run a hand up the back of his neck and into his thick hair. He moans and his lips part.
I push aside my fears and let the kiss take over. I lean into him, open myself to him.