it felt nice. I closed my eyes and imagined he was Jeff. I was so confused about how I felt. I’d never been this close to a man besides Jeffery before. Just when I worked out that maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if I lost my virginity to Phillip, my phone rang. I let it ring, thinking it was Emily, but then it kept ringing. I finally fished it out of my bag and answered.
“Hello,” I said a little out of breath and still very emotional.
“Where are you?” It was Jeff.
“Why do you care?” I answered back almost sounding cross with him. Why did it matter to him where I was?
“I’ve been outside your house for hours. Your mom said you’d be back soon. Aren’t you planning to come home tonight?” He sounded pissed.
I looked at my phone and then at Phillip, who was close enough for Jeff to hear him say, “What’s wrong, baby? Who’s calling you?” And that’s all it took for Jeffery to go ape shit and start yelling back.
“Who. The. Fuck. Are. You. With. Sara? Why did he just call you baby? Eddie said you don’t have a boyfriend.”
I was shocked and couldn’t wrap my brain around what was going on. I was in the backseat of a taxi with a guy I met less than an hour ago, driving to his place to lose my virginity. I had the love of my life who hadn’t spoken or tried to contact to me in months waiting at my house. And I didn’t know what was real anymore. In my world, when it rains…it hails.
“Jeff, calm down, I’m with Phillip. He offered to fuck me at his place and since you haven’t made good on your promises, I’m taking him up on his offer,” I said before hanging up. I looked over at Phillip, whose face was split from ear to ear in the most evil of smiles I’ve ever witnessed in my life.
“Sara, you just made my night. I’m going to be so good to you. My dick just went from hard to bulletproof. If you want a night of firsts, after I pop your cherry, I can call one of my good friends and you can have your first threesome.”
He laughed yet had no idea how painful what he’d just said was for me. His disturbing comment didn’t help the feeling of worthlessness that had begun to spread across my entire body. My phone rang again and again and again. By the time we arrived at Phillip’s apartment, I felt completely numb. I don’t remember getting out of the cab, entering his building, what floor we stopped on, or what his apartment number was. I just followed him in. If he wanted to rape me, I wouldn’t stop him. I gave him the green light with the stupid response I gave to Jeff in the car.
When we got inside, I do remember him lifting me and placing me on his cold kitchen countertop. He gently took my shoes off then started kissing my neck and squeezing my boobs. Spreading my legs and standing between them, he ran his fingertips up my outer thighs and under my thin sweater. He continued with his hands under my bra, cupping both breasts. He found my nipples and pulled them hard, causing me to wake up from my out-of-body comatose state. Everything he did felt cold and clinical; it felt wrong. There was zero chemistry between us. I wasn’t even aroused.
“Sara, how does that feel? Has someone ever touched you like that before?” he asked while licking my neck. “Am I your first everything? You want me to suck your tits, baby?” When he got no response, he abruptly stopped and stepped away saying, “Okay, I’m not doing this shit unless you’re into it one hundred percent.” I could tell he’d grown annoyed with my aloofness. “I’m fucking Phillip Dashell; I have plenty of willing pussy back at the club. If you’re not feeling this you need to go home, sweetheart.”
He lifted me off the counter and helped fix my sweater, pulling my skirt down. He knelt down, holding my shoes as I stepped into them. He inhaled deeply close to my inner thighs, which once again, should’ve been sensual and sexy, but just felt creepy and wrong. “Are you sure you don’t want this? I’ll be gentle with you. I’m having a hard time accepting that I’m about to send one of three New York virgins back