straddled him, letting him know he could have all of me. We weren’t thinking, we weren’t fighting; our feelings were on autopilot. I had no doubt in my mind that Jeffery Rossi was all mine. There wasn’t a possibility that we wouldn’t end up together after that night.
That was the day I lost everything. Everything I thought was rightfully mine was only an illusion. It’s the part of my story where things got interesting and where I should’ve let my best friend tell me to run and never look back.
“Sara, I waited so long for this. How am supposed to leave you and go back to school?” Jeff asked me after we’d made love for the second time that night. The first time I was in pain, but the second time was heaven. The way we fit together was perfection.
We were in an apartment in the village that had a brand new mattress on the floor in the middle of the living room and one lonely chair by the window. The place was tiny; the size of my bedroom, but it was his and I thought it was the most romantic thing in the world. Jeff and my brother were still away in law school and he’d rented that apartment so he could stay in the city close to me. Well, that’s what I thought, anyway.
“When will I see you again? Will you call me? Can I tell people we’re together?” I rambled off all these questions to him. I’d just had sex with the person I was infatuated with and I was giddy with excitement. I couldn’t wait to tell the whole world about it. I came up with songs that would perfectly describe my night. I wouldn’t have to lie about sex anymore! I’d actually know what I was talking about from experience.
I remember looking into his eyes, admiring their dual colors and wondering if our kids would have two different eye colors, too. I just wished I could see these beautifully peculiar eyes every day for eternity. His answers to my simple questions should’ve told me something was off.
“Let me work out a few things before we start telling everybody that we’re exclusive and together. I don’t want your brother to fuck me up. I’ll find the right time and tell him, my way. Meanwhile, we can use this place and I’ll try to come every weekend if I can.”
And before I could react, he had me moaning again. To an eighteen-year-old girl, his response made sense. I did what he said and didn’t tell anybody about us. I would wait to get the green light from him and then shout my love for him from the rooftops.
He came almost every week and I’d never felt more loved and adored in my whole life. He was amazing, sweet, and gentle in bed. He kept promising me the world and describing what our life would be like, endlessly feeding me hope. I could picture my whole life with him. I imagined my future children growing up together with your children. My life would be beautiful and I’d get to share it with the only man I ever loved since I was fifteen.
It was a dream, but it wasn’t meant to be my dream.
We had this secret love affair for over a year. He kept saying it wasn’t wise to tell Eddie, because he wouldn’t understand, since I was still technically in high school. I kinda sorta agreed with him. He was my whole life; I saw him at least three times a month, sometimes for two days at a time. When we’d be together in our apartment nothing and no one seemed to matter but us.
A month before he was supposed to graduate, he stopped calling me. I waited at that apartment for days and he never showed up. I worried something had happened to him so I called Eddie to see if I could get some information; after all, they were roommates. Eddie picked up the phone and told me he was in the middle of a big celebration with Jeff and he couldn’t talk, but he’d call me back soon. When he said he and Jeff were celebrating, I was beyond angry—I was enraged. I must’ve left Jeffery at least three voice messages a day. I would cry myself to sleep every night because I didn’t know what I did wrong. I decided not to go to my brother’s graduation, I faked a cold; I couldn’t