you’re tattooed to the gills and snarl meaner than a panther anytime someone gets close. And he did,” she insisted, when I opened my mouth to argue. “Not with you, maybe, which just goes to show how special you are, Parrish, but that man was like a dog who’s been kicked a time too many, craving love but not knowing how to get it, half-ready to run away, half-ready to bite the hand of anyone who came too close. I noticed it a long time ago, but I was never sure how to help him. Turned out, he didn’t need my help.” She smiled softly. “He needed you.”
“No. That’s… that’s nonsense. Diesel is amazing. He’s worth more than all the rest of them put together. He’s overcome so much. He’s lived. And every one of those tattoos is a story, a memory.”
“I bet. And I’m glad you know it. But remember, when you say you’re scared, you mean you’re scared you’ll lose your heart and feel like an idiot again. Diesel, on the other hand… Honey, he’s lost everyone who’s ever meant something to him. And then came you.”
The idea of that—the hope of it—was terrifying.
“But it was all a lie,” I whispered. “He can’t want me.”
“Why not? It started as a lie, but you want him,” she pointed out with ruthless logic. “So be patient with him. Talk to the man without making assumptions. And don’t give up.” She clapped her gloved palms together once. “And now, for the love of Peter, Paul, and Ringo, come help me plant these last few bulbs before it’s full dark out here.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I scrambled up and took the hand rake she offered me. “I see what you mean about the gardening being helpful. I do feel better. And for what it’s worth, Garvey was an idiot if he picked some trophy wife instead of you.”
“Oh.” Miss Sara laughed again, and her cheeks turned pink in the twilight. “Well, as it happened, he didn’t. See, I was so sure a man like Garvey could never be happy married to a woman like me that I never thought to ask Garvey what he wanted. Fortunately, Garvey wasn’t the sort to entertain my bull puckey, so by the end of that summer, he’d wooed me back and showed me I was exactly the sort of person he’d be happy with. In fact, I was the only person he’d be happy with. And he was. For forty-two beautiful years.”
“Wait, really?” I demanded. “But…”
“Get to planting, Parrish,” she said with a nod. “Don’t give up on Diesel. Things will work out if they’re meant to.”
I wasn’t sure that they’d work out as happily for me as they had for her, but I’d meant what I told Diesel earlier. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for him and Marigold. And if being patient was what he needed… I’d try.
16
Diesel
I felt like an ass. Parrish had looked so disappointed in me, but I’d known I was going to be terrible company. Even Marigold must have sensed my mood because as soon as I picked her up from Ava’s, she’d been especially snuggly and clingy, which had suited me just fine. I’d put her in the front carrier and kept her close to me as I cooked and cleaned and basically kept myself busy with nonsense chores.
But I’d eventually put her to sleep in her portable crib and had to face the rest of the evening with only my company. And my company was for shit.
I had way too much time to think, and all of my thoughts centered around Parrish’s fake smile as he tried to reassure me when I’d dropped him off at the bed-and-breakfast. That fake smile was like slapping my heart into a vise and then turning the crank.
Needless to say, I spent most of the night rubbing my chest. I thought about what a fucking coward I was. I wanted Parrish. I wanted this to be real, and I could tell he had some feelings too. But what if those feelings were temporary? What if he tried things on with me and then realized he wanted to go back to the right side of the tracks after all?
I wasn’t sure I could bear another big loss in my life, especially if I didn’t get custody of Marigold.
My sleep was fitful at best. The baby had mercy on me and made it through the whole night without a fuss which meant I woke up with