right now. If you don’t ace the next inspection—and I’m talking A-plus-plus, where the caseworker puts a shiny gold star and a smiley face at the top of the paper—there’s not gonna be much we can do. I’ve looked at the court schedule for your hearing date next month, and you’re not getting Merriman again.”
I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. You might think it was weird to put my faith in a man who measured success based on smiley faces at the top of a paper, and you’d be right. But beggars couldn’t be choosers.
Besides, it wasn’t like he was telling me anything I didn’t already know. “The caseworker who came out before was barely here ten minutes. She took one look at the yard and at me”—I motioned to my very visible tattoos—“and made up her mind before she stepped inside the door. I can’t help how I live, Stewie. It’s not like I have millions of dollars like the Kensingtons. But I will love this baby more than they ever could, and we both know it.”
He held up a hand. “Now, that remains to be seen. Brenda and Hunt seem enamored with her, same as you. But they don’t have the blood connection, and that’s what we’re going to emphasize. It ain’t gonna be easy, though. The next caseworker they send will be somebody new, so you’re gonna have a clean slate. We need to use that to our advantage. I made a punch list of things you need to work on to make yourself the best candidate possible.”
I nodded. “Alright.”
He reached into a faded red backpack that looked like he’d probably dragged it through Licking Thicket High a decade ago and was still using it to this day. When he pulled out a crumpled-up piece of notebook paper with handwritten notes on it, I started to really worry.
“You sure you have an actual law degree?” I asked for the third time.
Stewie sighed. “Yes. I told you I did. But I also told you that I do real estate closings, not this family shit, alright? However… you really did us a solid last year when you took Phil’s spot on the mound at the championship game, and that’s the kind of loyalty the Nine Inch Males don’t forget.”
“You really need a new team name,” I muttered, remembering the softball game where the only redeeming part of the day had been all the beer Stewie and his friends had bought me after I’d pitched a no-hitter. The day had brought back memories of Aunt Birdie teaching me how to throw snowballs at a makeshift target she’d painted on the side of the tractor shed the first winter I was in the Thicket. She’d said I was such a natural, I should try out for the baseball team at Licking Thicket High. I hadn’t, but it had been nice to know she cared.
I shook off the memory and focused on the task at hand. “Show me this list.” I took the paper and perused it. “Get a new job? What for? I make okay money.”
Business had actually been booming since our local found-objects artist, Mal Forrester, had made it well-known where he sourced most of his materials. With the town sign made almost exclusively from parts found at my salvage yard, my place had become a revolving door. In fact, I needed to put added lot security on whatever this to-do list was if I wanted to keep my girl safe.
Stewie looked around awkwardly. “Well… I mean… selling junk for cash means you don’t really have a decent employment history on paper. We kind of need you to have a steady job, with things like insurance.”
“I have insurance,” I grumbled, skimming down the list. “Paint the house and fix up the front yard—yeah, figured those would be on here. Get rid of the—” I looked up at Stewie. “Get rid of the chickens?”
Stewie smiled nervously. “I mean, they’re not exactly classing up the joint, are they?”
I set my jaw. “I’m not getting rid of my chickens.” Then, thinking of Marigold, I added, “Unless the home inspection person specifically tells me they’re a problem.”
“Fine, fine.” Stewie shrugged. “Your call.”
Yes. It was. I nodded firmly and went back to the list. “Wait… Get a wife? Are you serious?”
Stewie didn’t even look embarrassed about this one. “C’mon, man, you have to know how much better this would go if you had the whole picture-perfect family going on. Get you one