me to think I might end up worse off, I think we’ve got to discuss it. I’ve got twelve years to serve as Niteclif and you’re apparently going to end up as the head of the Council.” He flinched. “No need to dress it up, Bahlin. I have to know, though, was it worth it?” I couldn’t help the bitterness that leaked into the last part.
“Worth it? Worth it?” he growled, chucking a cushion to the side as he stalked toward the bed, his fury suddenly a mirror image of mine. “I’d go back and do it entirely differently if I could, even if it meant lettin’ the bleedin’ faerie bring yeh happiness, Madeleine. And that, that thought near kills me, woman.” He’d reached the bed and leaned over me, shaking with emotion. “For yeh know the second part of the prophecy, mo chrid? For my heart yeh are.” He spun away from me, the muscles of his back so tightly ridged they cast shadows upon themselves in the lamplight, the hollow of the length of his spine like a trench between them. “Yeh’re to find another, Maddy. It’s the most bitter of revenges for yeh, isn’t it? And the worst part? I’ll be there to watch the whole bleedin’ thing. Because I’m yehr fucking familiar on top o’ bein’ yehr lover.”
“Bu-but—” I stuttered, realization slamming into me with the weight of a thousand waves. I didn’t want another.
Before I could process this new emotion and sincerely consider the last thought that had raced through my mind, he turned on me. Tears had coursed tracks down his cheeks and the raw rage in his face made me truly frightened of him for the first time, his humanity folding in on itself as his eyes flashed to ice blue. “But what, Madeleine?”
I didn’t bother to correct him. I recollected Tyr’s most recent admonition and trembled at the thought. But there was no other option. “I forgive you,” I whispered, my voice harsh with emotion.
“Come again?” he said, stunned into immobility.
“I forgive you,” I said more strongly. “But I need to know why you never told me about the prophecy and why you went through with it anyway, knowing you’d break my heart.”
He sank to his knees at the end of the bed, crossing his arms and laying his forehead on them. His shoulders shook and so did the bed. I threw the covers back and crawled to the end of the bed, reaching out a tentative hand to touch his bare shoulder.
His hand whipped out faster than I could track and he gripped my arm so tightly I knew I’d be bruised later, but it didn’t matter. He pressed my hand closer to his shoulder and stilled, the silent, wracking sobs diminishing to heavy breathing.
“I’m so sorry, Maddy,” he said, his voice muffled by the bedding and his arms. “I’m so damnably sorry.”
“Bay, I forgive you.” Every time I said it, it got easier and I believed it a little more. “But that doesn’t answer my questions.”
He looked up, his eyes still ice blue, the whites reddened, and he said, “For love, Maddy. I did it for the chance at love. Because that’s my curse in all of this. I’ll truly love yeh, and yeh’ll love me back. I could only break your heart if yeh loved me. But I’d hoped that we’d circumvent the bloody cursed part of the prophecy and for once, just once, I’d have a proper chance at happily ever after. I’ll settle for whatever time we have together, and when yeh find your heart’s desire, I’ll wish yeh well, Maddy. I’ll bloody sodding hate it, but I’ll wish yeh nothing but happiness. Even if it’s only friendship between us from now until then, tell me yeh don’t hate me, Maddy. I can’t bear this loss if I know yeh truly hate me.”
With my free hand I pried his fingers from my forearm and laced our fingers together. “I don’t hate you, Bay. I don’t. You’ve ripped my heart out a hundred times since I heard that prophecy, but I don’t hate you. I never did.”
“Please, goddess, tell me I can touch yeh. Because I won’t, not if yeh tell me to stay away. But my fingers ache for the feel of yehr hair, and my hands hurt at the remembered curve of yehr hip. My lips burn with the memory of the taste of the salt on yehr skin, and my heart, Maddy, my heart aches