Late to the Party - Kelly Quindlen Page 0,71
squeezed it.
“I’m sorry,” I said gently. “You deserve way better than that.”
She swallowed. “You and JaKory were right.”
“I wish we hadn’t been.”
Maritza looked at our hands. Tears were building in her eyes. “I wish I’d never agreed to be a summer coach. I could’ve just worked a retail gig, like you, and then I could’ve taken time off to go to Panama.” She was really struggling not to cry now, her expression twisted up and her eyes blinking fast. “I can’t believe Mom and Dad are down there with everyone and I’m stuck here by myself, crying over some dumb girl.”
“She’s not some dumb girl. She meant something to you.”
Maritza shook her head. “I made her mean something. I did the exact same thing I’ve accused JaKory of doing: told myself something was possible when it was really just wishful thinking. I was an idiot.”
“Stop being so hard on yourself,” I said, pushing at her shoulder. “You’re not an idiot. You’re someone who knows what she wants and works hard to get it. It’s one of my favorite things about you! So forget stupid Rona. Some other girl or guy is gonna come along and kiss you like it means something, and until then, you just have to keep being the person you are.”
Maritza breathed in a slow, steadying breath. “You really think the person I am is okay?”
“I think the person you are is amazing.”
She gave me a watery smile. “I believe that, coming from you.”
“You should.”
She squeezed my hand. For an infinite moment, all was right in the world.
But then she said something else, something that made my insides harden.
“You’re an amazing person, too. I shouldn’t have judged you for wanting to stay the same. I know you’re not the type to throw herself out there and make a million things happen, and that’s okay. We can’t all be movers and shakers. Some of us have to keep things steady and sure.” She paused, smiling at me like we were in on the same joke. “I’m glad you’re still the same old Codi. I went out there and got my heart stomped on, but you were here this whole time, waiting in the wings to help me feel better.”
She bumped her shoulder against mine, like we’d just shared something tender and heartwarming, but I could only blink at her; an angry flush was creeping up my neck, and suddenly I was hardly breathing.
Was I angry with Maritza, or with myself? She couldn’t fathom that I was capable of risk and change and growth, but was that her fault for not believing it, or my fault for not showing her?
“Dude,” Maritza said, eyeing me in alarm, “what’s wrong?”
I shook my head like a warning.
“I’m sorry,” Maritza said, sounding completely bewildered. “I—I meant all that stuff in a good way—”
I stood up and jerked away from her, my face and neck still burning. “I’m gonna go.”
“Wait—Codi—I’m really sorry, I was trying to say something nice—”
“Well, you didn’t,” I said shortly, grabbing my keys off the table.
“I’m sorry,” Maritza said again. She sounded very small. “I thought we were having a heart-to-heart—I didn’t mean to ruin it—”
“How can we have a heart-to-heart when you don’t know anything about me?” I asked bitterly.
She looked like I’d walloped her. “What?”
“Never mind, it doesn’t matter.”
I was halfway to the door when her voice stopped me.
“But what about tomorrow?”
I stopped, confused. “What about it?”
“Am I still coming over? For the Fourth?”
I had no idea what she was talking about. I couldn’t remember making plans with Maritza for the Fourth of July, and although I wasn’t planning on going to Lake Lanier anymore now that I’d messed things up with Lydia and Ricky, I wasn’t sure I’d be in the mood to do anything else.
“Did we make plans?” I asked, my voice wavering.
Maritza seemed frazzled, unsteady. “My mom called your mom last week to make sure I could come over for it. She wanted to make sure I had somewhere to go, since she and Dad are gone.”
The rage burned me up again, threatening to burst out of me and spill across the Vargases’ fancy living room. I stood there, paralyzed, too angry to speak.
“I’m lost here,” Maritza said in a small voice. “What’s going on?”
I didn’t answer the question. Instead I turned my back on her and stormed out of her house before she could say anything else.
* * *
I didn’t go home. Instead I went for a long drive. I followed the path Ricky