“Isn’t Rona the one who said you were overreacting when you were upset about Vivien getting captain?” I asked.
“Well, yeah…” Maritza hedged, “but I was overreacting.” She glanced between JaKory and me. “Why do I get the sense that you two aren’t excited about this?”
“We are,” JaKory said hastily, “but…”
“But what?” she pressed, and when JaKory wouldn’t answer, she turned to me.
“But it sounds like you need to go slowly,” I said gently. “Rona’s … cool … but I always got the impression she would flirt with anyone.”
Maritza didn’t speak for a long second. Her brows were furrowed, and her mouth hung open like she couldn’t believe she was hearing this from us. “Wow,” she finally said, widening her eyes, “thanks a lot.”
“Come on, Maritza,” JaKory said. “Rona’s known for being boy crazy.”
“So that means she can’t like a girl? God, how many times do I have to explain this bisexual concept to you two?”
“That’s not what we’re saying,” I said firmly. “We’re saying Rona seems like one of those girls who would flirt with another girl just for the hell of it—like, that she wouldn’t really be into it, but she would do it because it’s like a game.”
Maritza looked so frustrated, I wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d chucked a lamp at the fish tank. “Y’all hardly even know her,” she said loudly. “And so what if that’s what she’s doing? Who says I can’t enjoy that?”
“You can,” JaKory said. “We’re just telling you the same exact shit you’ve been telling me: to be careful.”
“We don’t want to see you get hurt,” I added. “Having a crush is fun, but it makes you vulnerable, too.”
“Who are you to be advising me on crushes?” Maritza snapped. Her eyes were blazing. “At least I have a crush. I’m not wasting my time bopping around a giraffe store all day.”
My mouth fell open, but before I could retaliate, JaKory cut in.
“Don’t be like that, Maritza,” he snapped back. “This isn’t a competition. Codi doesn’t have to be hitting this at the same pace as us.”
He rested a hand on my knee, glancing at me in what he clearly thought was a protective way. It was even more patronizing than the day at the coffee shop when he’d told me to keep an open mind. I could feel the flush creeping up my neck, and my heart pounded like a warning. The old, toxic resentment reared in my blood.
Maritza exhaled, but the blazing look was still in her eyes. “Yeah, well, I’m gonna invite her over when my parents are gone, and then we’ll see who’s right.”
We fell silent. JaKory took his hand off my knee. Maritza picked at the carpet and chanced a look at me, her expression sheepish, but I ignored her. I was sitting there burning up inside, the truth of everything fighting to get out of my mouth, every beautiful and wonderful thing about Lydia and Ricky and all their friends, and yet I couldn’t do it. And it wasn’t because I was chickening out. The truth was I didn’t want to share any of it with them. We were sitting there beneath this huge-ass fish tank with the ideas of our desperate crushes flitting around the room, and I didn’t want to be a part of it anymore.
“Codi?” Maritza said softly. “I’m sorry I said that. It wasn’t fair.”
It took me a second to answer. I turned my head slowly to look at her.
“I gotta go. My mom asked me to pick up Grant from a friend’s house.”
It was a lie, and we all knew it, but neither one of them pushed back on it. They probably thought I wanted to go home and sulk about my small, timid, limited life. I got up from the carpet without saying goodbye and walked out of the house in silence.
* * *
On the last Monday of June, my brother asked me to take him to the movies again. He claimed it was because our parents wouldn’t want to miss their favorite TV show that night, but I couldn’t help wondering if he was meeting up with that girl again.
I looked long and hard at him when he asked me. He shifted uncomfortably on the spot, sighing like my three seconds of staring were unbearable.
“Yeah, I’ll take you,” I said finally.
For a fraction of a second he looked happily surprised, but then he fixed a stoic expression back on his face. “Cool. It’s at seven.”