like a helpless baby bird. I pretended to topple over in slow motion, exaggerating Lydia’s yell. Ricky and the others roared with laughter.
“Offensive,” Lydia said as I collapsed next to her.
“It’s all good, bro,” I teased, wrapping my arm around her neck, but I could feel Natalie’s eyes on me again and hastily dropped my arm.
“This is all very sweet and precious,” came another voice, and we whipped around to see Leo hovering over the group, “but can we get to the drinking now?”
* * *
The fire smelled like only fire can; it crackled and snapped, entrancing all of us. We circled around it, lounging on old beach towels and quilts that Lydia and Natalie had packed, while Leo kept up a steady supply of booze. The beer was lukewarm and fizzy, but it settled comfortably in my stomach, a perfect complement to the flickering fire.
Leo produced his weed next, and the air was soon thick with the smell of campfire and marijuana. I watched as the pipe made its way around the group, with everyone taking a couple of hits. Natalie hadn’t smoked last time, when we’d been on the roof, but she did tonight; I wondered if Lydia and Ricky, who were sitting on the other side of me, would do the same. Then I realized it didn’t matter who did or did not smoke. It was my choice to decide whether I wanted to try it or not.
Natalie handed the pipe to me, and I stared at it for a long second, making up my mind.
“How do I do it?” I asked, daring to look up at everyone.
I knew them well enough by now to know they wouldn’t laugh, and I was right: Not a single person seemed fazed. Only Ricky gave me a relaxed half smirk.
Natalie showed me what to do, leaning into me and flicking the lighter to life. I inhaled as she told me and let the smoke fill my mouth, then breathed it out.
“You’ll get a sweet little buzz from this one,” Leo said, unusually kind. “Just start with that and see how it feels.”
I passed the pipe and lighter off to Lydia, my fingers brushing hers. She took a hit of her own and passed it on.
Our energy was loose and relaxed. There was nothing to do but watch the fire and listen to everyone’s voices swinging on the air. The night was warm, infinite, secret, and I had never felt so settled in myself. I lay back on my quilt, gazing up at the star-flecked sky, not bothering to worry that I’d just checked myself out of the group conversation. My phone dinged with texts from Maritza and JaKory, but I silenced it and tossed it to the side. I wasn’t in the mood to feel guilty tonight.
Lydia lay down next to me, sighing. I wanted to reach for her, but my limbs were too relaxed. It was enough just to know she was there.
“Stars,” Lydia said, giggling. “There are so many of them. Look at that constellation—look—it’s like a platypus.”
I giggled, too. The idea of millions of stars just hanging out up there was so silly, so absurd. The giggles pealed out of me like hiccups, goofy and unstoppable.
“I think Codi likes the weed,” Natalie said, laughing to my right.
“Two thumbs up,” I said, extending my arms for them to see, and then I laughed more at the sight of my thumbs.
Time passed in a hazy way; it could have been a few minutes or an hour, but I was comfortable just to lie there and be. I knew I was high, and the idea was funny and wondrous. I could only imagine what Maritza and JaKory would think.
Then Lydia was saying my name.
“Yeah?” I asked, leaning up on my elbows.
“We’re going to pee,” she said, ruffling my hair. Her warm fingers lingered a moment longer than necessary. “Do you wanna come?”
“Yes,” I said. I wanted to add more, something funny or silly, but the words were too relaxed to come out.
We stumbled off to the woods, Lydia, Natalie, Terrica, and me, giggling and falling all over each other. Lydia’s arm was somehow around me, and I tugged on her hand that lay draped on my shoulder. Her skin was soft and warm and electric.
“Marijuana,” I said, giggling without meaning to. “Mary Jane. What a proper name for a drug.”
“She’s a lady,” Natalie said.
“My middle name is Jane,” I announced, unsure of why I was sharing this information. “I hate