The Last of the Red Hot Vampires - By Katie MacAlister Page 0,36

which a young, red-haired woman sat.

"I have shoes," I said, holding out my tennis shoes, wincing to myself at just how inane that sounded. "I was in the middle of getting dressed. I wasn't expected to be sucked down to...where exactly are we?"

"Crypt," Noelle said, giving me a rueful smile as she slid off the top of the sarcophagus. "Sorry about the bad timing, but I've had a day from Abaddon - literally! - and couldn't get to the trial until now. Oh well, it'll soon be over, and you can go back to your dressing. Why don't you put on your shoes, and we'll get started."

I walked over to her and pressed my fingers to her shoulder. She certainly felt real. Which could only mean one thing.

Her eyebrows rose. "You look confused. Is there a problem?"

There were so many problems I couldn't begin to frame them in my mind, let alone explain to her the trouble I had with accepting the fact that I'd just been teleported to some unknown crypt.

"No," I answered in what sounded like a choked voice. I cleared my throat and tried again. "It's nothing outright insanity wouldn't explain."

"Oh, good." She smiled again, and gestured toward the center of the crypt. On the floor, an elaborate circle with several symbols had been drawn upon it. "Shoes?"

"Of course," I said, putting on my tennis shoes. "The insanity isn't going to be complete without the idea of me standing around in nothing but lingerie and tennies."

"It's a very pretty teddy," Noelle said, walking around to the back. "I like the straps on the side. Oh, it's not a thong. Good on you. I hate thongs - they're always getting places they shouldn't be."

I shook my head at myself, wondering if the rest of my life - now that I'd clearly gone quite, quite insane - would follow this pattern, or if some kind friend or family member would see to it that I got the mental help I needed.

"Ready?"

Noelle's voice brought me out of a reverie where I spent endless years learning how to write with my feet because my arms were confined by a straitjacket. "Sure, why not? I've got nothing to lose, right?"

She made a face, and looked down the room to a doorway that lurked in the darkness. "Well...let's just say that you really need to get this one right. Right. Champion, you may enter the room."

It didn't surprise me in the least (one of the perks of now being deranged) when Theo strolled into the room. He stopped after a few steps, pursing his lips as he looked me over from toes to head.

"That's...a new look for you," he finally said, having taken his time in the perusal.

"I didn't have a thing to wear," I said with a firm smile. "Besides, what does it matter? I'm just along for the ride now."

"I like it, regardless." His gaze flickered between my breasts and my face. "What ride would that be?"

"The highway to dementia. Want to come along?"

He sighed and only just kept from rolling his eyes. "You are not insane, Portia."

"No, of course not. It's perfectly ordinary to be teleported to a crypt, so I can stand around in my undies waiting to..." I turned to Noelle. "What exactly am I waiting to do?"

"Defeat a demon," she said, stepping backward until she was in the shadow of the crypt room. "You may begin...now!"

I don't know what I expected a demon to look like - probably a short, squat red-skinned beast with horns, cloven feet, and a pointy tail - but the teenage boy who appeared in the circle did not scream demon to me.

Until the little shit opened his mouth. "Nice tits," the boy leered, reaching out as if he was going to honk them.

"Stay out of the circle," Theo commanded as he flung himself onto the boy.

"Why do you get to go in it?" I asked.

The demon teen spun around screaming, trying to pick Theo off his back, but Theo was bigger and stronger, and kept the teen's arms pinned behind him.

"Just defeat it while I'm subduing it," he grunted, twisting to avoid the demon's attempt at a backward butt.

"Defeat it how?" I looked around the crypt. I had no idea what it took to beat a demon, not that they really existed except in my own delusions. "You'd think that if my mind was going to snap and go to the trouble of imagining all this, it would give me a big