Ella, she won’t use it. Please go make her feel like a woman.”
“This is going to be so much fun!” Hailey skipped out from behind the front desk. “I’ll grab my purse, and then we’ll go!”
“And I’ll keep an eye on the littles,” Ada chimed in, having caught the end of the exchange. “I’ll put them to bed, too. You kids stay out as long as you like.” She shouted the last part as she walked back toward the kitchen.
“Are you sure?” Ella asked me.
God, she was so beautiful. I took her hand and pulled her into an alcove just off the front hall. “You’re stunning. You don’t need makeup. There has never been a moment since I met you that I saw you as anything less than an incredible, exquisitely beautiful woman. But I understand that you don’t feel the way I see you. So yes, I’m sure.”
“You’re always taking care of me,” she whispered.
I gave in to impulse, letting my thumb slide across the soft, flawless skin of her cheek. “That’s the idea.” We were too close, the air too charged, and I loved this woman too much to keep a cool head. Before I inevitably pinned her to the wall and proved to her that virginity didn’t just regrow, I needed to let her go. “I’ll see you at the courthouse at four thirty,” I promised. Then I lifted her hand, flipped it over, and pressed a long, soft kiss directly to the center of her palm, wishing more than anything that it was her mouth.
Her breath caught as I closed her grip, like she could hold on to the kiss.
“What was that for?”
“To prove that I don’t give a crap about hairy legs. Plus, now it hasn’t been seven years since you’ve been kissed.”
Her lips parted, and her gaze dropped to my mouth.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I wasn’t sure need was even the appropriate word for how badly I wanted Ella anymore. It was a constant ache that simply existed as my normal. Before I could do anything else I might regret later, I stepped out into the entry hall.
“You’re positive you can handle the desk?”
I gave her a grin and winked. “I’ve got this.” And I did. Maybe Ella and the kids were the only ones I really connected with, but I’d come a long way with the general public in the last four months.
Hailey grabbed Ella’s hand and pulled her out of the house, sputtering, stunned face and all.
I made a mental note to wink at the woman more often.
Chapter Eighteen
Ella
Letter #4
Ella,
Your kids are awesome. Seriously. I guess laughing probably isn’t the right reaction to that story, but come on. That kid got his butt kicked by not just one but both of your kids. You’re raising a couple badasses. Sorry, but that’s actually the best word to describe them after that story.
As for kids of my own? Not sure that’s in the cards for me. Not because I don’t like kids. I honestly do. They’re brutally honest, which is a trait usually lost by adulthood. But, I wouldn’t know the first thing about being a dad, since I didn’t have one. Maybe that’s a good thing, since I don’t have a bad example of fatherhood, either, but really, the only examples of dads I have in my life came from television.
I’d be too scared I’d screw up a kid.
But if I knew what I was doing? Yeah, kids would be great. I’ve never been the guy with the toss-the-football fantasy, but I could definitely picture something like that. I honestly don’t think about it, or anything in the future, really. When you want something, or have a dream, you have something to lose. I’m not a fan of being put in the position to lose anything. Not to say that I’m not a little reckless, but only with myself and the things I can control.
It’s wanting something that gets you into trouble. Wanting makes you discontent, when I need to be grateful for what I do have. I learned that lesson young. I like to think it makes me a better person—being content with what I have—but I hear your brother talk about you, and your family, and I wonder sometimes if maybe that lack of want is really a small form of cowardice. In that way, you’re much braver than I am. You have the ability to love beyond yourself, to risk your heart every day through your kids.