You’ve done your job, Ella. Now you have to let the doctors do theirs.”
Her eyes found their way back to mine, and I felt her torture like it was a physical pain through my stomach, the ceaseless cut from a dull knife tearing me in two. “I don’t know how to give that control over to someone else. She’s my little girl, Beckett.”
“I know. But the hard part is already over. You signed the papers, no matter how difficult it was, and all we can do now is wait. Now, please. Let me feed you.”
She pushed off the wall, and I retreated a step, putting a respectable amount of distance between us. “You don’t have to stay. They said it’s going to be hours, and not just a few.”
“I know. Her tumor is on the left adrenal gland, and though it’s shrunk, there’s still some very real danger that she’ll lose that kidney. A longer surgery means they’re doing everything they can to save it, and that they’re being thorough to get every scrap of that tumor out. I was listening when they prepped you this morning.”
A sad half smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “You do that a lot. Listen. Pay attention.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“No. Just surprising.”
“I don’t care how many hours it takes. I’m here. I’m not leaving you.”
An eternity passed as she made her choice, not just to get food but to believe me. To trust that I meant what I said. I knew the moment she’d decided, when her shoulders dipped, a tiny bit of the tension draining from her frame.
“Okay. Then we’re most definitely going to need some coffee.”
Relief was a sweet taste in my mouth, a gentle, full feeling in my heart. Unable to find the right words, I simply nodded.
…
“So the bear?” I asked two hours later as we sat in the waiting room, side by side on the couch, our feet propped up on the coffee table.
“Aah, this is Colt,” Ella explained, lovingly stroking the face of the fuzzy, well-loved bear.
“Colt is…a girl.”
“Maybe Colt just likes pink. You know, only real men can pull off wearing pink.” She shot me a sideways glance.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
After a light breakfast—her stomach was too queasy for more—we’d fallen into an easy rhythm of conversation. Effortless, even.
“The bears were a gift to the twins from my grandma. One pink, one blue, just like everything back then. But Colt fell in love with the pink one. Had to have it with him all the time, so the blue one became Maisie’s. When they were three, Ryan came in and took Colt camping overnight. Maisie was always more of an indoor girl, and she begged to stay home, so I let her. But Colt almost refused to go. Maisie knew it was because they couldn’t stand being separated. So she grabbed the blue bear, told him it was Maisie, and sent him on his way.”
“So that’s actually Colt’s bear?”
Ella nodded. “He sends it with her every time she’s hospitalized so they can be together, and he has the blue one at home.”
Yeah, that gnawing pain had moved to my heart.
“You have incredible children.”
Her smile was genuine, and I nearly lost my breath when she turned slightly, sharing it with me. “I’m blessed. I wasn’t sure how I would do it when Jeff walked out, but they were always so…they were everything. I mean, sure, they were exhausting, and loud, and messy, but they brought out the color in life. I can’t remember what the world looked like before I held them, but I know it wasn’t half this vibrant.”
“You’re a great mother.”
She made a motion to shrug off my compliment.
“No. You are,” I repeated, needing her to hear me, to understand my awe of her.
“I just want to be enough.” Her gaze darted to the clock, like it had every five minutes since Maisie had disappeared past those swinging doors.
“You are. You are enough.” She blinked at me, and I cursed my tongue. I was going to give myself away if I wasn’t careful.
“Thank you,” she whispered, but I knew from the way she looked away that she wasn’t sure.
“So what’s next? Monopoly? Life?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood and distract her.
She pointed to the wooden box at the opposite end of the table. “Scrabble. And you’d better be careful. I have no qualms about kicking your butt, even if you are nice enough to sit with me all day.”