“You’re about forty-five days out,” he said as we sat in the red Adirondack chairs.
“Yep,” I said, launching the Kong toward the lake. Havoc was overjoyed to run for it. She’d been put through her paces today in seeking work, keeping her skills honed for finding people, and she was tired but happy.
“I’m here to ask you to reconsider.” He leaned forward a little.
“Nope.”
“Gentry.” He sighed, rubbing the area between his eyebrows. “We’re a team.”
“Not anymore.” My voice dropped.
He looked across the lake to the small island. “Have you been out to see him yet?”
My silence answered.
“There was nothing you could have done for him,” he told me for the hundredth time.
“Yeah, well, that’s where we see things differently.”
Havoc returned, and I pitched the toy again, the familiar motion comforting.
“Do you think this is what he’d really want? You to leave the team? Leave your family? You and Havoc are part of us.”
“I’m doing exactly what he asked.” I pulled the letter from my back pocket and handed it to him.
He read the letter and cursed as he returned it to the envelope. “I should have read the damn thing before I gave it to you.”
“There’s no chance I’m leaving. As much as I appreciate what you’re doing here, I can’t go back. I’m on terminal leave, and in forty-five days, I’ll be out.” I’d be permanently separated from the only life I knew.
“What if there was another option?”
“Unless that option is Mac coming back from the dead, I don’t care. I can’t care. What I want doesn’t matter anymore.”
“I get that. And I understand what you’re doing here. Hell, I admire you for it. It’s the ultimate sacrifice, and I have nothing but respect for you. But I know this…situation won’t go on forever. I don’t want you to turn around and regret this choice.”
I shot him a look that clearly said I wasn’t going to, but he kept going.
“What if I told you that due to the nature of our unit, I have the ability to place you on a kind of temporary disabled list?”
“I’m sorry?”
Havoc brought the Kong back, but I saw the exhaustion in her eyes and motioned for her to lie down. She’d fetch that thing until she dropped unless I gave her the signal, so I gave it.
“It’s not what you think. You’re not…disabled. But it was the only way the higher-ups and I could think to give you an out, here.”
“And the fact that nothing is wrong with me?”
“I think we both know that’s not true,” he said, looking back across at the island. “Look, in the last ten years, you’ve never taken leave.”
“And?”
“And you’re exhausted. Mentally and physically exhausted. So on that basis, the paperwork’s been done. You just have to sign it.”
“I’m not coming back.”
“Not now. But this gives you a year to think it over—longer if you need it. We can extend up to five. Pay, benefits, and easy reentry when you’re ready.”
“I already have a job.” I motioned to my shirt.
“Not one where you make the kind of difference that you do with us. You’re family, Gentry, and you’ll always be welcome. Signing those papers to accept doesn’t promise you’ll come back, it simply gives you the option, which you’re about to lose when your terminal leave ends. Or you sign the declination, and this offer dies immediately.” He stood and took a few steps forward, his eyes on the island. “He really was one of the best, wasn’t he?”
“He was the best of us.”
Donahue turned and walked by me, pausing to put his hand on my shoulder. “The papers are at the special ops center outside of Denver. I emailed you the info for the exact office about an hour ago.”
“What? Didn’t want to leave them here?”
“I figured if I left them here, you’d burn them before you considered what I’m trying to offer.”
I hated that he was right.
“It’s good to see you, Gentry. Rest up. Do what you can for Mac’s family, and when you’re done with his mission, come home.” He handed me Ryan’s letter and left without another word.
There was a flicker in my soul—the restlessness that had lain dormant for a couple of weeks coming back to life. The need to focus on one mission at a time and move on. His offer was temptation, and I couldn’t afford it, not when Ella needed me.
I threw together a bag for me and one for Havoc after checking my email to find