I’ve never been able to give second chances when it comes to hurting the people I love. Letter number six.
If I told her those things, she’d shut me out, and I would fail Mac for a second time. I could tell myself that it was her choice, but really, it would be mine. I was the guy people looked for an excuse to get rid of, and truth was a gift-wrapped reason to kick me to the curb. There were two distinct paths ahead of me: the first, where I told her who I was and what had happened, and she promptly walked out of my life, and the second…where I did everything I could to help her, no matter what the cost.
Path number two it is.
“He was there,” I answered honestly.
Her lower lip trembled, and she bit onto it, like any sign of weakness had to be quashed. “And? What happened?”
“That’s classified.” I was a bastard, but an honest one.
“Classified. You’re all the same, you know that? Loyal as anything to one another and nothing left for anyone else. Just tell me if he’s dead. I deserve to know.”
“Knowing what happened to Mac…to Chaos…none of that would do you any good. It would hurt a hell of a lot more than it already does. Trust me.”
She scoffed, shaking her head as she rubbed the bridge of her nose. When she looked back up, the fake smile was in place, and those blue eyes had gone glacial.
“Welcome to Telluride, Mr. Gentry. I hope you enjoy your stay.”
She climbed into the SUV and slammed the door, throwing the vehicle into reverse to get out of the drive.
I watched until she disappeared into the thick forest of trees.
Havoc brushed against my leg. I looked down at her, and she stared back up at me, no doubt knowing that I was an imbecile for what I’d just let happen.
“Yeah, that didn’t go so well.” I looked up at the cloudless Colorado sky. “We did a number on her, Mac. So if you’ve got any pointers on how to win over your sister, I’m all ears.”
I opened the tailgate of my truck and started to unload my stuff.
It might be temporary, but I was here for as long as Ella would let me stay. Because somewhere between letter number one and letter number twenty-four, I’d fallen in love with her. Fallen for her words, her strength, her insight and kindness, her grace under impossible circumstances, her love for her children, and her determination to stand on her own. I could list a thousand reasons that woman owned whatever heart I had.
But none of them mattered because, even though she was the woman I loved, to her, I was just a stranger. An unwelcome one at that.
Which was more than I deserved.
Chapter Six
Ella
Letter #17
Ella,
The pace is picking up here, which is half blessing, half curse. I’d rather be busy than bored, but busy comes with its own unique set of problems. We keep getting pushed back for redeployment, but hopefully we’ll get the okay soon, and I’ll be able to keep that date we set for a Telluride tour, if you’ll still have me. Warning, I’m bringing your brother, and lately, he smells.
At least the time is going faster, same as these letters. I find that I don’t even wait to get one from you before I’m writing again. Maybe it’s the simple act of putting pen to paper, of not seeing you react to what I’m writing that makes it so easy, almost effortless.
You asked where I’d settle down if I ever wanted to quit being…what was it you called me? A nomad? I don’t know, honestly. I’ve never found a place that called to me in any way that I could see as special. There were houses, apartments, barracks. Cities, suburbs, and one farm. I’ve been around the world, but traveling with this crew means that I only see the parts of the world that hurt the most.
I guess I want somewhere where I feel connected. Connected to the land, the people, the community. A place that sinks its hooks into me so deep that I have no choice but to let the roots grow. A place where the earth touches the sky in a way that makes me feel small without feeling insignificant or claustrophobic. Cities are out—remember, I’m not a people person—so maybe a small town, but not so tiny that you