I’d barely paused in my pacing, when I found myself enveloped by warm, strong arms and pressed against a hard, familiar chest.
“Thank you,” he whispered into my hair.
He smelled so good and felt so right. Maybe if we stood here long enough, nothing else would matter. We could just freeze the moment and live in it, surrounded by the love we had for each other.
But we couldn’t. Because he’d put me through hell for over a year, and no matter how much I loved him, I wasn’t sure I could ever trust him with my heart again, ever trust him to tell me the truth when it came to our relationship.
“You’re welcome. And I’m sorry for cutting them off from you. You always joke that you don’t have any relationship experience, but I don’t either, really. I handled it all wrong. But I’m going to be better starting now.”
“I’ll be here,” he promised. “I will show up for them and for you. I know you don’t have any faith in me, and that’s okay. I’ll prove it to you. I’ll earn back your trust one millimeter at a time. You won’t regret letting me adopt them, I swear.”
“I’ve never regretted that,” I said, wrapping my arms around him for a hug and then stepping out of the security of his arms before I did something stupid like believe what he’d just promised. “Want to tell the kids?”
“Yeah.” His face lit up like a kid on Christmas morning.
We found them at the cleared kitchen table, and they stopped their conversation immediately to look up at us.
“Did you fix it?” Colt asked.
“Not in that way, little man,” Beckett said softly.
“Did you say sorry?”
“I did, but sorry doesn’t fix the unfixable.”
Then Colt glared at me.
“Nope.” Beckett stepped forward and bent down. I always loved how he brought himself level to my kids. “You don’t get to be mad at the person who got hurt, or judge them for it, because only that person can tell you how deep the cut is, got it? This is not your mom’s fault. It’s mine.” He looked over at Maisie, who had tears in her eyes. “It’s mine.”
He stood back up and came to my side.
“So, we’re not together,” I reiterated. No good came from confusing kids. “But I know you guys love him, and he loves you. So from now on, as long as everyone is on the same page, you can come over whenever Beckett says it’s cool. Soccer, treatments, phone calls, visits, we’ll work it out.”
Maisie’s mouth popped open. “Really?”
“Really,” I promised her.
Colt had been a silent ball of rage since I’d split with Beckett, but Maisie had been the most openly vocal and sometimes downright mean.
“So you’re not together, but we get to keep him? He’s ours?”
More than you know.
“That’s what I’m saying.”
The kids flew out of their chairs, hugging Beckett, then me, then back to Beckett, then each other. Then Maisie hugged Beckett again and whispered something in his ear. He gave her a smile that bordered on tears and said, “Me, too.”
We walked the kids to my car, and they buckled in. Once the doors were shut, I turned to Beckett, who again had his hands in his pockets. For having a crazy amount of self-control, I’d picked up on that nervous tell easily enough.
“Thank you. For dinner, for taking care of Colt. For the land, and the house, even if it’s not mine. The intention was spectacular.”
“Thank you for them,” he answered.
“What did she tell you?”
“Really want to know?”
“Beckett,” I warned.
“She said that was her wish, the only thing she’d wanted was…me, in a roundabout way.”
“She wanted a dad,” I guessed. “You to be her dad.”
“They’re kids,” he said with a shrug, but I knew how much it meant to him.
“They’re our kids.”
“Look, I heard what you said upstairs loud and clear. I know that being together isn’t an option. But as trite as this sounds, I’d really love if we could manage to be friends. Even if it’s just for the sake of the kids.”
Standing there, outside the house he’d built for me, I wished I’d never known. Wished he’d never lied or that we could take it all back. Wished he wasn’t both of the complicated men I’d fallen for. But he was, and he did.
And despite everything, I still loved him.
“Yeah. I think we can manage that.”
“I’ll earn your trust back, no matter how long it takes,” he promised again.