know that! You said you loved me and that we were friends. Friends don’t do that.”
“You’re right. Colt, I’m so sorry.” I put every ounce of emotion I had into my words, hoping he’d realize how true they were. “I have missed you every single day. There hasn’t been a minute when I haven’t wanted to see you, or talk to you. What happened between your mom and me doesn’t mean that I don’t love you and Maisie. It’s just…” Why weren’t there words for this? Why couldn’t I explain things to him without placing blame on Ella? It wasn’t her fault. It was mine.
“Complicated,” he finished.
“Yeah. Complicated.”
His anger faded, his mouth drooping into a profound, lip-trembling sadness. “I just…I kind of thought you were my dad. Or maybe you would be one day. And then you were gone.”
This time his tears destroyed me. I yanked him against my chest, wrapping my arms around him. “Me, too, Colt. Nothing would have made me happier than to be your dad. You are the best little boy I could have ever imagined having. This isn’t your fault. It’s not your mom’s fault. It’s my fault. So if you want to be mad, that’s okay, but you have to be mad at me. No one else. Promise?”
“I don’t want to be mad.” He cried into my shirt. “I want you to fix it!”
“I wish I could. But there are some things too broken to fix.”
He pulled back and glared at me. “Maisie was really broken, and you and Mom fix her. And she gets sick, and she cries, but Mom says she’ll get better if she fights, and then it will all be worth it.”
“I know.” I was usually really good at kid logic, but he was stumping me here.
“So you can’t be more broken than Maisie and not try to fix it. You don’t see Maisie giving up, and it’s been forever.” He dragged out the last word. “You and Mom broke in a day.”
“I really wish it was that simple, Colt.”
“So does Maisie. But she’s brave enough to try.”
I was seriously getting schooled in relationships by a seven-year-old. “You know who you sound like right now?”
He raised his eyebrows but didn’t answer.
“Your Uncle Ryan. Just like him.”
He looked out at the island and back to me. “Okay. So are you going to try to fix it? Or are you giving up?”
Everything to Colt was so easy. He hadn’t seen the worst of humanity yet, what people were capable of doing to one another. Hadn’t seen what I’d done to his mom. Didn’t know that I’d cost him his uncle. I loved Ella even more in that moment for not turning them against me.
“I can try, buddy. For you and Maisie, I can try.” I’d respected Ella’s wish to disappear. Having taken away all her other choices, that seemed like the best way to honor her. Besides, it wasn’t like I deserved a second chance. But what if I’d made a mistake? What if I should have pushed?
She would have pushed you right back.
“Good. Apologize. Girls like that.” He gave me a nod and a pat on my shoulder.
“I’ll keep that in mind. Anything else?”
His forehead puckered for a moment, and then he gave me a smirk. “They like it when you fight for them, too.”
Man, I loved this kid.
“Emma’s the one, huh?” From what I remembered of Colt’s birthday party, she’d been cute, kind, and smart, with big brown eyes and curly black hair a few shades darker than her complexion.
“She’s got pretty skin.” He nodded for emphasis.
I joined in on the nod, managing not to chuckle. “You tell her that?”
“No!” He looked around for a second, pondering. “Maybe when we’re twelve.”
“Playing the long game, gotcha.” I stood as he turned and threw the Kong for Havoc again, who had been waiting patiently. “I think what you did for her today was pretty awesome. It’s always good to protect smaller people. Maybe less hitting, though.”
He nodded. “I got really mad.”
“Yeah, I get that, too. But that’s a big part of being a man, knowing your strength and controlling your anger.”
“I’m seven.”
I almost laughed, realizing I’d been in his life long enough to hear him preach I’m six.
“Not for long. You could have just pulled him off, and the result wouldn’t have been as satisfying but just as effective. Plus, no principal time.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” he said, echoing my words from earlier.