The Last Letter from Juliet - Melanie Hudson Page 0,76

it brought nothing but extremes. On the one hand I had known nothing but pure joy in my work and had been given a flying experience that would never have been open to a woman just a few short years before, but it seemed that if we were given such bright, beautiful, joyful light, then it must be at a price – if the joy is extreme, then so must the darkness be – the blackest of black. And when I thought of all that had happened so far – the lives lost, the ships sunk and the cities destroyed – I realised that I was tired of living a life of wild emotional ups and downs and all I wanted was for something in my life to feel settled. Although I was not, and perhaps never had been, in love with Charles, I did love him, and sitting by his hospital bed I knew that he represented an easier, more secure time, and that I simply had do the right thing and stay by his side to support him and at least try, for the first time since my marriage, to be a good wife.

***

Charles survived his operation and stayed in hospital for a month. I was given compassionate leave to visit as often as I could. We were lucky that he had been sent close by to Southampton, but the demand on ATA pilots to deliver great swathes of aircraft every single day had never been greater. Which meant that as Charles grew stronger, I returned to full time flying and once again, barely saw him.

After six weeks in hospital Charles was discharged. But where to send him to recuperate?

With Marie on leave and staying in London, Anna and I spent a week agonising over the problem. The options were quite straight-forward. I could leave the ATA, bring Charles home to Hamble and tend for him myself, or I could still bring him home to Hamble, but continue to fly and hire a nurse – I did not relish this option, as the girls would have to move out. There was a third option, of course. We could both go back to Lanyon and I could care for him there. But the thing was – and Charles felt it, too – our marriage had been in its infancy when the war began and I really didn’t know him well enough – on an intimate level – to nurse him.

In the end, Charles made the decision for both of us. I was sitting at his bedside and was about to launch into chapter four of Lottie’s copy of Gone With the Wind when he reached over and put his hand on my knee. I put the book down and took his hand.

‘I’ve decided,’ he said, not looking at me but facing forward. A scar ran from his right eye across his temple and down to his ear. ‘I’d like to go home, to Lanyon.’

His kept his head facing forwards. It was a distant kind of communication.

Charles’ wish to return to Lanyon was the worst possible news for me. I would definitely have to leave the ATA, but most importantly, I would run the risk of seeing Edward and I wasn’t sure how on earth I could cope with that. But if it was what he wanted, everything else was simply not important.

‘All right,’ I said, slowly. The last thing he needed was a row. ‘I can sort that out for us.’ I tried to be bright. ‘And with Lottie there it’ll be just like the old days and who knows,’ I added, ‘it might even be …’ I stopped myself. Charles’s mental health had gone into decline and ‘fun’ wasn’t something he would consider at the moment. And who was I kidding, life at Lanyon could never be like the old days so I finished with, ‘Well, it might be for the best, that’s all.’

Charles squeezed my hand.

‘You misunderstand me. I don’t want you to come with me,’ he said, ‘not right away.’

I didn’t know what to say other than, ‘Why?’

‘It’s difficult to explain,’ he said, ‘but I think, first of all, it’s best if Ma and Lottie sort me out, you know, until I find my feet.’ There were tears in his eyes. ‘You love flying and the ATA need you. That’s a good feeling – to be useful. If you come to Lanyon, you’ll be unhappy. Pa has said he’ll come up for me … in a