that happened. And then, I think about last night. And the first time. What happened in the truck... And it all gets confused.”
“There’s only one thing on earth that ever made me feel like life made sense. That ever made me feel like I made sense.”
“Are you going to try to give me a copy of the Watchtower?”
The unexpected bite of humor made him laugh. “Let’s ride.”
They went into the barn and saddled up the horses silently, then they started on the trail they had ridden on the first day she had come to work on the property. They were silent for the first mile or so up the trail then he heard Rebecca’s voice come from behind him. “Passing on your left.”
She and her horse maneuvered adeptly around him, taking the lead. He watched as she took the uphill portion of the trail with ease, her brown hair shimmering over her shoulders, falling to the middle of her back.
She was beautiful. And he had made a mess of things earlier. Typically, when he did anything other than running away from a problem, he only made it worse. Still, he was here. He wasn’t running. He was with her. So he supposed that he should try to make amends.
He urged his horse forward, closing some of the distance between them. “I meant what I said.”
“About riding horses being about the only thing that gives clarity? I could agree with you on that. Easily. We lived in the worst house ever. A small little shack kind of in the middle of nowhere. But we had a bit of property. After my mom left, Jonathan got me a horse. He was kind of a wretched little pony, and I was still recovering, so I couldn’t just go out and ride. But it was everything that I’d ever wanted. It was the only bit of happiness that I had during that time. Except for Jonathan.”
His chest tightened, his limbs suddenly feeling leaden. The picture that she painted of her childhood was so bleak. The gulf between what he’d had growing up and what she’d had was stark and severe. He wondered if anyone had ever told her how beautiful she was. If anyone had ever cherished her, or if the most she’d ever gotten was basic caregiving.
Obviously, her brother cared about her. Cared enough to work long hours, to use the money that he earned to get her a horse because he knew she was lonely and needed something like that in her life.
Still, he wanted to give her more. Because he had that luxury.
“That’s not what I meant,” he said, his voice rough. “You’re beautiful. That is why I was looking at you, whether you want to believe it or not.”
“But you still see the scars.”
“I could say that I didn’t, but it would be a lie. And I can’t say that they don’t affect me. Like I said, I take the blame for that. I can’t help but feel responsible. I can’t help but feel angry at myself when I look at them. But at the same time, they speak to your strength. And if I ignored them, it would be to ignore a big part of who you are. They aren’t a flaw, and they certainly are a weakness.”
“I feel differently about that at the end of the day when my muscles seize up. When the injuries that are just under the surface start to react.”
They broke through to the clearing, bringing them back to the vantage point they had gone to on that first day. The first day that pull between them had become impossible to ignore. She didn’t dismount, as though she were doing her best to keep distance between them, and as if staying on the back of the horse would accomplish that.
“I know. Can you just let me say something nice to you? I don’t actually think you want to have the same fight over and over. I don’t actually think that all I am to you is the man that caused the accident. Right now, I think the thing that makes you the most angry is that I’m challenging you.”
She laughed, turning to look at him. “You think I feel challenged by you complimenting me?”
He got off of his horse, walking toward her. “I think you’re most comfortable when nobody’s touching you. And I mean that in more than just the physical sense.” He walked up to her, placing his hand on her thigh, looking