pulling her up against him, claiming her mouth with his. He kissed her deep and long, sliding his fingertips down between her shoulder blades, along the line of her spine and down to cup her ass.
She whimpered, arching against him, pressing herself hard against his erection. She just wanted to hold on to him, to hold on to this. Maybe it was better that it was him. That it wasn’t someone she should want, wasn’t someone she would want again when she was thinking clearly. It wouldn’t be awkward later, because they were never going to hang out. And when they saw each other, the feelings had never been easy anyway. So, it could hardly be worse.
She justified. She justified all those things as he pushed her back, laying her down across the bench seat of her truck. He pressed his hand between her thighs, sliding his fingertips beneath her dress, beneath the elastic of her panties.
He stroked her, where she was wet and aching for him, his thumb making tight circles over her clit.
She reached out, grabbing hold of his forearms. “Gage,” she gasped, “I want... I want...”
“No,” he said. “You’ll be way too sore. Just take this.” She hated that he had read her mind. That he knew she had been about to beg to have him again. And she hated even more that he had refused.
But not half as much as she hated that he had taken her from slightly muddled confusion to so aroused she couldn’t think straight in under thirty seconds. White lightning streaked from where he touched her down deep to her core, her internal muscles pulsing. She was hungry for him, for his penetration. And she begged. Made incoherent moaning sounds as he continued to torment her, as he ratcheted her desire up hotter, higher.
And then, it completely shattered over her, like a pane of glass, glittering and sharp all around her, cutting into her. She couldn’t catch her breath, didn’t want to, as glittering shards of sensation worked their way beneath her skin, invading every part of her. She couldn’t do anything, couldn’t say anything. She could only feel.
And when it passed, she became very aware of his hard body above her, of the tight band of his arm, wrapped around her waist, holding her against him. Of those blue, endless eyes. Eyes as sharp as any blade cutting deeper than the pleasure. Leaving more profound scars than any that could be seen written across her skin.
She gasped, extricating herself from his hold, scooting backward, putting her hand over her face. “I... Not again,” she said.
“Rebecca,” he began.
“Just. Tonight.”
“I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
She shook her head, even though she was lying. He had hurt her seventeen years ago, and on so many other occasions since, without even being present. But she had a horrible feeling that tonight he had hurt her worse, with repercussions that would show up when she least expected it.
“It’s fine. Of course you didn’t... It isn’t that... I wanted it,” she said, because she couldn’t have him believing anything else.
“You’re upset.”
“I’m tired. I just need to go home. I need to be alone.”
She needed solitude desperately. Because the only other option was breaking open in front of him, and pouring out all of these emotions onto him. And a very large part of her felt like she would rather die. She didn’t share these things with people. Not with anyone.
She certainly wasn’t going to share her emotions with him, with the man who was basically the reason she was such an emotionally stunted nutcase. Much to her relief, he didn’t press. Instead, he turned and got back into his truck.
She let out a sigh of relief. There was a very large part of her that wished Gage West would just drive off into the sunset, or the sunrise—which was more accurate to the moment—and disappear for another seventeen years.
She started the engine, and let out a sharp sob the moment the roar filled the cab, blotting out the sound her tears made as she pulled out of the parking lot and onto the highway. She would fall apart here, where no one would see, and then by tomorrow everything would be fine. The next time she saw Gage, she would have everything together.
Tonight had been all about letting go of baggage and liberating herself. It stood to reason that it would feel strange at first. But everything would normalize. And now, maybe so would she.