He gritted his teeth, pushing back at that thought.
“Tell me,” he coaxed, “I want to know exactly what you want me to do to you.”
“I don’t know,” she said, a shiver lacing her words. “I don’t know. I’ve never... I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Rebecca?” he asked, that one word a demand for clarification.
“I’m a virgin.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
SHE WASN’T SURE why she’d told him. Maybe because she knew there was no way she’d be able to hide it. Because she knew that there was no way she could possibly appear to be experienced when she was shaking inside and out. When she needed someone to take her hand and lead her through it, to show her exactly what was supposed to happen.
Or maybe, it was because she was still hoping he would back out. Because some part of her wanted to be completely, totally absolved of the decision. He would either turn back now, or move forward, but that admission had put the ball back in his court. She was a virgin, she was inexperienced and that meant all of this was his domain, and he had to know it.
The virgin could hardly be held responsible for her actions, right? She didn’t know if it was a big decision or not. If it was actually possible to have sex and not form a connection, if this was actually what she wanted, because she couldn’t really know the consequences of sex.
Yeah, basically, she had admitted it not because she was brave, but because she was scared. She hated that. She hated that she was that much of a trembling little coward. But she was a trembling, turned-on little coward, so she didn’t want to turn back... Exactly. But, she also wanted to wash her hands of the decision making yet further.
That was actually kind of understandable. She was about to make love with the man who was supposed to be her mortal enemy. The monster in her closet, as she had told him before. And he was the man who wanted to make love to her even knowing that. She didn’t know which of them was more messed up.
Maybe they just both were. Maybe because of each other, or because of that one event that connected them. Maybe because of something else entirely.
She wasn’t really sure of anything right now. And she was very much uncertain about what the intense expression on his face meant. He was just standing there, his eyes glittering in the darkness, his large, muscular frame held taut and stiff in front of her.
She was grateful for the darkness, even as she wished that she could see him better, she was grateful he couldn’t see her. That as obscured as he was, she was equally hidden.
She’d had this dream before. Standing with a man in the dark. But she didn’t want to scream at him, not now. She wanted something else entirely.
Something a whole lot scarier than screaming.
“What do you mean by that?” he asked.
“Is there more than one application for that word?”
“Do you mean as an expression? Like, it’s been so long since you’ve been with somebody you might as well be?”
“No, I mean the literal application,” she said, shrinking back, wrapping her arms around her midsection.
“But you’ve... You have experience. Some experience,” he said, his tone intense.
She shook her head, then realized he might not be able to see the gesture. “No. Not really. I mean, I’ve kissed a couple of guys. But that’s it. It’s never gone very far. I’ve never seen a naked man before... No man has ever seen me naked before... Although, you aren’t really seeing me, because we turned the lights off.” She swallowed hard, aware that she needed to stop rambling like an idiot.
He didn’t say anything. He just stood there, still naked, she knew, even though she couldn’t make out the fine details of his body. She wished that he would do something. Wished that he would close the distance between them, or walk away. Of course, she was at his house, so she was probably the one who would have to walk away. But she wished that he would at least say something definitive.
She felt...she felt completely unguarded. Stripped bare. It had nothing to do with being naked. She didn’t like it. It made her want to hit him, to yell at him again, to get into another fight, because it was easier than this.
She opened her mouth, ready to say something confrontational, but