All of that, that self-protection, was born out of fear. It was. He had no doubt of it then. And whatever his mother did, that was the same.
But love wasn’t the same as being afraid. It didn’t hide.
Love didn’t run.
It was more than time for him to stop. That much was clear as he looked down at his father, hoping yet again for something that he knew he would never get. Someone had to break the cycle.
He supposed it might as well be him.
“I didn’t come back because of the West name,” Gage said. “I didn’t come back because of duty. I came back because I love you.”
His father looked at him, his blue eyes filled with a sharp, shocked light. Blue eyes that were so like his own. Like Jack Monaghan’s. Telltale signs of his sins and shortcomings. But that wasn’t the point. He wasn’t going to hold on to the bitterness. He wasn’t going to use it.
Love was a lot like forgiveness. It wasn’t about what you deserved. Wasn’t about what you got in return. Sometimes you just had to give it, because it was good for you.
And yeah, it meant there was a risk. That you couldn’t protect yourself.
But protecting himself hadn’t done anyone a damn lot of good. So maybe, just maybe, this would.
“What is it you want?” his father asked.
“Nothing.”
“You don’t come out with something like that expecting nothing in return,” Nathan said, sounding hard, indignant.
“Usually, Dad, what you’re looking for is for someone to say they love you back.” Finally, he had given voice to it. Finally, he was facing down the one thing he’d always been afraid of. And he found it wasn’t all that scary.
“You’re my son,” he said.
“That’s supposed to mean something to me? Because I don’t think it meant much of anything to Jack Monaghan.”
“That was different,” Nathan said.
“Is it?” He looked at his father, searching the lines on his weathered face. Whatever the truth was, he knew that his father had to believe this was the truth.
“I’m frail,” Nathan said, not sounding anything near frail. “I need a rest.”
“This is the first time we’ve seen each other in seventeen years.”
“Yes,” Nathan said, clearing his throat. “But you know I’m glad you’re home.”
Gage’s chest tightened, and he reached out, placing his hand over his father’s, just as his mother had been doing when he had come in earlier. “I’m glad to be home.”
He was surprised to discover he actually meant it.
* * *
BECAUSE IT SEEMED like the kind of day to try and deal with family, Gage went to see Colton after finishing with his parents.
He walked up the expansive porch, knocking on the door, settling back on his heels and waiting for his brother to answer.
Colton answered, looking surprised to see him there. Which he supposed was fair, since there had been a whole seventeen years when people had come to Colton’s door and only once had it been Gage.
“Hi.”
“So,” Colton said, “you’re just here now?”
“Yeah,” he said. “Can I come in?”
Much to his surprise, Colton let him in, and even invited him to sit down in the living room. His younger brother sat across from him, staring at him, his manner steady and calm. Colton was surprisingly unaffected by all of the craziness that happened in the family. He had never rebelled in any way that Gage could see. Had never run off into the hills to lick his wounds and hide from his pain.
He even had a healthy and functional marriage.
“You’re the best of us,” he found himself saying. “You know that, right?”
“Of the two of us? Yeah,” Colton said. “Of all of us? I don’t think so. Sierra is brave, and she leads with her heart, even though it might hurt. Maddy is fearless, and she leads with her tongue, without any fear of backlash. They’re pretty great. It’s a shame that you haven’t really gotten to know them.”
“I plan to change that. I’m done running.”
“Are you ever going to tell me why you started in the first place?”
“Well, I can tell you what I told myself. And then, I suppose I could tell you the truth.”
And he did. Starting with Rebecca and making his way to the revelation of Jack’s existence. Of how he used the accident as an excuse.
Colton looked up at him then, understanding in his eyes. “I think I can relate a little bit better than you might think. I pretty grandly took the