anything to feel this kind of pain. This was the other side of joy. The other side of happiness. Of love. You couldn’t have the beauty without the pain.
Couldn’t have the stars without the darkness.
And she had stars.
She had Lane and Alison and Cassie. She had Jonathan. She had this town, this wonderful, beautiful town and her shop that was like the home she had always wanted.
But Gage... Gage was the one who had shown her the way.
She swallowed hard, fighting back tears, fighting against the terrible, overwhelming pain that was threatening to swamp her. She looked up at the sky again, at the smattering of lights in the darkness.
She tried very hard not to think about how she feared that, while her sky had any number of beautiful stars, her north star was gone.
And without him, she might not be able to find the way forward.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
GAGE WEST STARED out at the lake, his hands resting on the deck railing, the chill from the wood biting into his skin. He didn’t care. If he could change anything, it was that it would hurt worse.
That it would be something other than this dragging, yawning ache inside of him that was threatening to undo him completely. This was too familiar. This was too much like what he had left behind in the first place.
She was right.
He was running, but not from what he had told himself he was running from for all of these years. He was running, but not from becoming his father.
He was running from how much he loved his father. From how much he wanted to be accepted by him. From the fact that his love had never been returned no matter what he did—right or wrong.
A deep, dark pit that was there long before he had met Rebecca. Exposed now. Deepened.
Running and running, because he knew that there would never be an end to it. Because he had seen it. He had seen it every day in his mother’s eyes.
He was the same. He knew he was.
Had known it for certain from the moment he had found out about Jack, his half brother. His father had told him. Because, it had been essential that Gage know, since he was going to eventually take over the West empire. There could be no secrets.
I’ve made mistakes, Gage, his father had said. But the important thing is that I’ve handled them. So that you and your siblings, your mother, will never feel the consequences of those actions.
His words had echoed through Gage as he had wandered the halls of the house, sixteen years old and the keeper of his father’s darkest secrets. He had a half brother. One that was his younger brother Colton’s age. A brother who was not allowed to be a part of the family because Nathan West needed so badly to protect the West name.
Does he know?
Not who I am, no. But I imagine there will come a time when I’ll have to deal with that too.
He’s your son, Gage had said, feeling both loyalty and jealousy in that moment directed at a boy he didn’t even know.
But not like you are. Not like Colton.
Why?
Because he isn’t legitimate.
Not because he loved them.
That matters?
It matters to our reputation, and reputation is everything. I’m trusting you with mine, Gage. And someday you’ll likely trust me with yours. I hope you’ll remember this when you do. We look out for each other, the Wests do. Because we must protect each other. We must protect our name.
He had been reeling, dazed. And then he had run into his mother.
Did you have a good talk with your father? As always, she seemed brittle. She smelled faintly of expensive floral perfume and alcohol.
Yes, he had said. Lying.
He could sense something then. That she might know. That she suspected he knew something he wasn’t telling her. And he wondered what his responsibility was. But he felt destroyed inside, finding out that his idol was nothing like what he had imagined he was. And he couldn’t bear to expose him further. It had nothing to do with protecting his mother’s feelings. And everything to do with the fact that he didn’t want to expose his father. That man who he had wanted so badly to pattern himself after.
She had known he was lying. He could tell. Could tell in the way her shoulders had folded in slightly. In the way her lips pinched tight. And yet, she didn’t say anything either. Both of them