restless feelings that lived inside of her and wrapped them up in his arms, held her close to him even when those jagged pieces of herself cut into him. He had withstood. He had allowed her to rail against him with her words, with her fists.
“Mostly, I think that love is strong. Strong enough to get in there and fill the empty spaces, to reinforce somebody that’s about to crack apart. At least, that’s what it’s been for me.”
“That’s never been what it is for me. Love for me has been nothing but disappointment, fear and a whole lot of unfulfilled expectations.”
“Is that what we are?”
“It’s what we would be if I loved you.” His eyes were black, blank, his words cutting her down to the bone.
“What am I then, Gage? If I’m not someone you love... What am I to you?” She swallowed hard. “Am I anything other than your escape route? Is that what I am now too? The excuse for you to get out of town quickly?” Suddenly, she was suffused with terror. A kind of fear she hadn’t felt since she’d woken up to discover that her mother was gone and she was never coming back. “Am I really that much of a fool, Gage?” Her throat tightened, the rest of her words escaping as a horrified whisper. “Did you let me make that much of a fool of myself?”
“I didn’t let you do anything, baby, and you know that. I was honest with you from the beginning. More or less.”
Something about him using that endearment, an endearment he had used in intimate moments, cut almost deeper than anything else. “You said a lot of things, but you showed me different things. So don’t stand there acting like you’re completely absolved of any of the fallout from this. That’s one thing I was never going to be, one thing I can never be. Your absolution.”
“Too bad for you, you said you forgave me.”
She swallowed hard. “I did. But it didn’t change the way you felt about yourself, did it? Not really. Because you still can’t handle this. You still can’t give me honesty.” Her heart was thundering hard at the base of her throat, echoing in her head. She was being bold, accusing him of lying when he might well be telling her the truth for the first time. But she had to believe that this wasn’t the truth. There was still more. That if she dug down deep beneath the layers there was still something else there.
She didn’t believe that Gage was beyond redemption. She didn’t believe that he was cruel. Most of all, she didn’t believe that this was the end.
She couldn’t.
“This is all I’ve got. You don’t want me to uncover the rest.”
“I do. That’s what scares you.”
“I’m not the one who should be afraid.”
She took a step toward him. “Is this the part where you try to prove to me that you’re a monster? Because I’ve been waiting for that.”
Suddenly, she found herself being hauled up against his chest, his mouth hot and firm over hers. If it had happened at any other moment, she would have called it a kiss of possession. But now, she had a feeling it was just goodbye.
So she gave it everything. All of her rage, all of her tears. All of the love that she had inside of her body for Gage West. The love that overflowed her, filled her, replaced every ounce of hatred she had ever thought she possessed for this man, transformed into the kind of love that could never be simple, could never be quiet or tame.
It was the only kind of love people like them would ever be able to have. Because she wasn’t quiet, because she wasn’t tame. And neither was he.
It was the kind of love that would never allow distance, the kind of love that wouldn’t allow them to hide behind walls they built up to keep other people out. She was ready to do it. Ready to open herself up and take this.
Her kiss was a plea for him to do the same.
She kissed him deep, because if this was his last chance, their last chance, then she wasn’t giving him any excuse not to take it.
When they parted, he was breathing hard, and so was she. But he just stood there, looking at her like he was a wild animal, ready to attack or run if she took another step toward him.