The Last Black Unicorn - Tiffany Haddish Page 0,24
this, you don’t have to. It’s all on you. You want to kill my baby, that’s on you.”
I fucking hated him right then.
I remember the clinic so vividly. As I walked through the door, something came over me. I hate to admit this, but it’s true—I became very happy.
It was like a total one-eighty from how I felt in the parking lot to how I felt once I went through that clinic door. I felt like I was doing the most responsible thing in the world. I just felt really, really joyous. I knew, as painful as it was, this was the right thing.
You go into a room, then they put you on this bed. I was smiling the whole time. This one lady, this Hispanic lady notices.
Hispanic Lady: “Why are you so happy?”
Tiffany: “I guess because I know that I’m not going to be in this trap. I know I’m not going to be in the trap anymore.”
She just smiled back and rolled her eyes.
They put you to sleep for a little bit, for like ten minutes, and do the procedure. Then when I woke up, I reached down between my legs, and I felt the big ol’ maxi-pad thing they put on you.
I jumped out the bed, and I started to dance. I started full-on dancing.
Nurse: “Ms. Haddish, you can’t dance. Ms. Haddish, you are scaring people!”
Tiffany: “I’m free!! I’m free!! Thank God almighty, I am free!!”
I started doing the Running Man, and then I ran my ass right into the ground. Those drugs they give you are strong.
They made me sit down and act calm. I looked over and there was a Mexican lady, she was awake and looking at me like I fucking lost my mind. Then there was another girl in the room, and she was just full-on crying. Here I am just as happy and joyous as can be. I kinda felt bad about my dancing, and I was chill after that. Not everyone was happy about being there.
When I walked out, I was just smiling. I’m like a little doped up and kind of woozy or whatever, but I’m really happy. I’m like genuinely happy. Titus was so mad that I was so happy.
Titus: “So you just joyous, huh? You just joyous?”
Tiffany: “Yeah, we don’t have no stress no more. There’s no stress. We got a second chance.”
Titus: “That’s all right. I’m going to just get you pregnant again in two months. You’re just going to be pregnant again.”
Little did he know, I had gotten a Depo shot when I was in there. I didn’t even tell him. This man was not trapping me again.
Things actually got cool again for a few weeks. It seemed to be getting better. He’s not disappearing. Then my birthday came up, and he said he needed my car, because he was going to an interview.
Tiffany: “Okay. But it’s my birthday.”
Titus: “Yeah, I’m going to take you over to my grandma’s house, use your car, go to my interview. I’m going to come back, and we’re going to go out.”
He didn’t come back until the next day.
Tiffany: “Yo, what happened? No call, no nothing? Where were you?”
Titus: “I had got caught up in some stuff, but it’s all good. I’m going to take you out today.”
Tiffany: “I got to go to work. This is so stupid. I don’t get it. Why would you even do that? You just ruined my birthday. You ruined my birthday.”
Titus: “Stop tripping. You’re tripping. Just relax. I’m going to make it up to you.”
Three days go by. I go over to his house—which is his mom’s house, ’cause he don’t have his own place. I was ready to forgive him. I don’t know why I was, but I was. And most importantly, I was now healed up from my abortion, and we can have sex again, for the first time since I was dancing for joy.
I went in his room, and I saw he had a video camera on his TV. I don’t know why, but I had this weird feeling come over me.
Tiffany: “Let’s do something freaky. Let’s make a movie.”
I grabbed the video camera, and I started recording. He immediately got all mad, snatched the camera from me, scratching my face in the process.
Titus: “You need to mind your motherfucking business!”
Tiffany: “What is wrong with you? What’s on that tape where you got to be acting like that?”
Titus: “Ain’t nothing on this motherfuckin’ tape. You just need to mind your motherfuckin’