Lady of the English - By Elizabeth Chadwick Page 0,43

not answer. Adeliza looked up from her task and saw that her stepdaughter’s chin was trembling. “You will feel better if you cry.”

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Matilda shook her head. “It hurts to cry.” Her voice was a tight whisper, but the dam had broken and a sob was drawn from her, then another and another, in reluctant painful heaves that gave little respite, and she had to clutch her rib cage, certain it would shatter.

Adeliza folded her in a compassionate embrace and tears swelled her own throat, yet she had to swallow them and not think about her personal situation, knowing if she did, she would find it unbearable. “Tell me,” she said again, fetching a napkin from the food table to dry Matilda’s eyes. “Otherwise, I will have to ask others, and they will not give me the truth, either because it does not suit them, or because they do not know.” Matilda swallowed and with an effort controlled her breathing. It was difficult to speak at first. She had told no one beyond Uli and Emma, although she was certain that the gossip had spread far and wide and Adeliza must have heard a version of the story already. She did not know how Adeliza would take the tale, because although she was loving and kind, she was also her father’s wife. Matilda spoke in a low voice, and it was as if her words were about someone else, or of a vivid nightmare that wasn’t real. Her bruises were proof that it had happened, but how could it be true when she was an empress and the daughter of England’s king?

Adeliza held her hand, listened in shocked silence to the litany of abuse, and grew pale.

“I care not,” Matilda said when she had finished. “It is no longer of concern to me.”

“But it is of concern to everyone else, especially your father,” Adeliza said. “Nor do I think it true that you do not care. That is not the woman I came to know when you dwelt at court.”

“Perhaps I am no longer that woman,” Matilda replied, tight-lipped. She looked down at their joined hands and when she spoke again her voice was more conciliatory, but still 108

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determined. “I cannot make peace. I know it is what you want from me, but it is impossible.”

“You need to heal; I understand that,” Adeliza soothed, “and you need time. There are many wrongs here that must be set right.” Her voice strengthened with emphasis. “Your father will do all he can, but I tell you now, he will not allow you to annul this marriage.”

Matilda withdrew her hand from Adeliza’s. “I will not go back to that…that preening boy,” she said flatly.

“Perhaps if you treated him like a man, he would act like a man.”

Matilda rose and walked away to the window. “You do not know,” she said, her back turned and her arms folded. “You cannot begin to imagine…My father has never beaten you, or fondled you in public before his barons, or left the bedchamber door ajar while he enjoys your body. Am I supposed to submit to this?” She swung round and pointed to her fading bruises.

“To curtsey and smile and say, ‘You were right to beat me, my lord.’ When I was married to Heinrich, I was treated with deference and respect and decency. Now look at me. Would you walk in my shoes? Would you?”

Adeliza rubbed her temples. “In truth I would not,” she said wearily. “We should not speak of it any more tonight. I want to talk to you of ordinary things and I do not want to lose your friendship…please.” She made an imploring gesture, tears filling her eyes.

Matilda’s expression softened. “Do not,” she said in a trembling voice, “or I will cry again and drown us both.” She returned to the bench and embraced Adeliza. “I am truly glad to see you, and I want to talk of ordinary things—you do not know how much.”

“I have brought you something from England,” Adeliza said as they parted from the embrace. “Something that belongs 109

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to you and that you need.” Once more she went to her baggage, returning this time with a painted leather case. Inside was Matilda’s crown of sapphires and gold flowers. “I sent to Reading for it,” she said as she gave it to Matilda. “It has lain on the altar under the protection of the monks, but