Lady of the English - By Elizabeth Chadwick Page 0,193

and prayed she would have the strength to fight this through. “I cannot continue as I am. I would be better off elsewhere, so that the part of me that is still whole can do something of benefit.”

“What do you mean ‘elsewhere’?” He eyed her suspiciously.

She closed her eyes. “To the convent at Afflighem,” she said.

“I am still able to pray.”

“No!” He instinctively recoiled because Afflighem was where her kin were buried, and it solidified the notion of losing her. “I will not allow it!”

“Then what will you do, my husband?” She raised her lids again and fixed her gaze on his contorted expression. “Watch me lie here and fade away before your eyes and those of our children day upon day? Let me at least end my time usefully.” He left her side to pace the room, digging his hands through his hair. He felt as if he would burst with pent-up emotion while she lay there like a wan and beautiful effigy. He thought 478

LadyofEnglish.indd 478

6/9/11 5:35 PM

Lady of the English

of the struggle he had had to make her leave Wilton to marry him. Perhaps God had only allotted him this short time and it was at an end like a tree blossoming in springtime and shedding its leaves in autumn.

Her devotional stood under the window with its candles and crosses and one of her crowns: a delicate thing worked in spikes of gold adorned with pearls and small sapphires. Beside it was a jewelled cross he had given her not long after their marriage.

He had been so proud to see her wear it. A beautiful object for a beautiful woman. His wife. His queen. The light of his life.

Now she was asking him to let her go. He curled his fingers into his palm and looked at his clenched knuckles. “Strong Arm,” some called him at court. But what use was such power in the face of this request? Whether he refused or consented, he was going to lose her.

He turned and came back to her, and slowly unfurled his fist into an open hand. “Very well,” he said. “If that be your wish, go to Afflighem. Make your arrangements. We will tell the children that, as a patron, it is your duty to visit the nunnery, and that you are going there for contemplation and prayer. All those things are true, and I would not lie to them.” Her eyes flooded with relief. “It is for the best.”

“Not for my best,” he said. “I am losing the better half of myself.”

“I will just be in a different place, and that is nothing new to our marriage. You are often away at court while I am here.

Now you will be at court, and I will be at Afflighem.”

“But you will not be here waiting for me within riding distance, or sharing my bed and my thoughts, or teaching the children…”

“No.” She looked towards the window and bit her lip.

Giving up this man was hard; giving up her children would break her heart, yet she could not stay. “That will be your 479

LadyofEnglish.indd 479

6/9/11 5:35 PM

Elizabeth Chadwick

task, and I trust you. They have Juliana and Melisande, and their uncle Joscelin. I will not allow them or you to watch me decline further than this.”

He swore under his breath and took her hand, gripping it in his as if he would imbue her with his vitality. He would have drained himself for her, and he felt impotent that he could do nothing.

“Sire.”

He turned at the interruption, ready to bellow at whoever dared disturb them, then bit his tongue as he saw that it was Rothard, Adeliza’s chamberlain, and his expression was wide with concern. “There are heralds at our gate from the empress,” Rothard said. “She requests leave for her and her household to bide here for a night. My lord FitzCount is with her too.” Will drew breath to snarl that he would not countenance having them under his roof, but Adeliza forestalled him, pressing her hand down on his and gathering herself to lift her voice. “Tell them they are welcome,” she said.

Will stared at her in furious astonishment as Rothard departed. “Are you mad? I will not become embroiled again!

Do you want Stephen descending on us with an army? Shall I lose Arundel as well as my wife? Is that what you want?” He made to pull away, but she continued to grip his hand.

“This will be the last opportunity I have to see her,” she