But instead of that street fighter, he saw defeat shimmering in her wide brown eyes, and just seeing that made him cross the room and kneel down next to where she sat on the side of the tub. He took her hands into his and just looked at them, tracing the graceful lines of her fingers and the delicate skin over her knuckles. Even though she was a serious warrior, he wished she'd never have to bust her pretty hands up in a demon-brawl again.
"Listen-"
"I already know what you're going to say," she murmured, cutting him off and squeezing his hands. "I'm gonna have to get back into the fight. I just got knocked down, was seeing stars, but I have to get back up.
He nodded, not arguing with her. What made him worry was that while he agreed with what she'd said, her voice and the tone of her statement sounded like textbook rhetoric... there was no passion in it, like it came from the heart-and that was the easiest way for her to get seriously hurt again.
"I know," he said after a while, kissing her knuckles. "But it's like... I guess, being a quarterback, and getting tackled and thrown down hard-a lot of brothers talk about hearing footsteps in their sleep from defensive linemen. Phantom terrors that are as real as the day is long. So, I want you to give yourself permission to heal in your head, is all I'm saying. I'm not challenging your ability, just saying that you're also human."
She brought his hands up to her face, kissed them, and pressed them to her cheek, closing her eyes. "I love you." She let out a hard breath. "You were right."
"I'm not trying to be right," he said quietly and really meaning it. "Things have gone way beyond that. I'm trying to be your husband."
He watched tears roll down her cheeks from beneath her closed lashes, making them glisten, and he wiped them away with the pad of his thumb, feeling her pain lodged so deeply in his chest that he al�most couldn't breathe.
"You know what really messes me up, Carlos?" she whispered through a sniff. "I might be..."
"I know." He pulled her to him and hugged her, rubbing her back so she could get it all out. He knew that was the core of it-the fact that after it all, she might be carrying for Cain, if she was pregnant. "I ain't going nowhere."
She balled the back of his T-shirt up into her fists, and he could feel her fighting an all-out sob. He was, too, and just held her tighter, be�ginning to rock her, trying to come up with something to say to grant her peace. The more he held her, the more he understood Adam's po�sition. What did a tiny little baby have to do with larceny and the schemes of grown beings? There was so much chaos in his spirit that he could barely contain it, and it came out in silent tears against her shoulder that began to wash the dilemma clean in his soul. The only thing he was sure about was how much he loved her.
"Damali, God as my witness, if it's got any of you in it, I'll raise it like my own."
His thickly murmured confession broke the damn loose within her, and hiccupping sobs rained down on his shoulder as they both rocked away the pain.
"I never wanted-"
"I know. You don't have to say it again," he whispered, slowly re�covering and pulling back to see her face. "Look me in the eyes, Damali." He waited until she would."Nothing comes between me and you-not nobody, not no bullshit. Nothing."
She shook her head. "Nothing," she whispered, touching his face.
"Nothing," he said, resolute. "Ever."
"He threatened to wipe out everyone I love and care about."
"So, you gonna let him?" Carlos said, working on the defiant em�ber he hoped was still within her. Knowing Damali well, he went for that insane switch inside her that even Hell couldn't deal with.
For a moment, she just stared at him.
"That punk bastard thinks he's broken your back, baby, just because he made you cry."
Carlos watched her slightly tilt her head and hope coursed through him as he egged her on. "Arrogant motherfucker thinks you're gonna go out like Eve, so upset that you can't deal with possibly taking an�other blow... just 'cause he got you good the first time and you came up dazed, he thinks you're gonna do whatever he wants to ap�pease the beast and let him run you," Carlos added in a philosophical tone, watching liquid fire ignite in Damali's irises.
"I know how twisted men think," he said with a shrug. "It's a power thing. Holler at 'em and beat 'em down, and they'll be so scared they'll do whatever. He probably figures, 'cause you're a queen, like his mother, he can break you like he did her. In fact, because youare a queen, it gives him all the more pleasure to make you get down on your knees and beg him not to hurt you-sick, slimy mother�fucker that he is. But I don't think holmes is used to dealing with a twenty-first-century sister from around the way."
She nodded slowly, her nostrils beginning to flare.
"You tell me how to play this, baby," Carlos said, deadly serious. "If you're scared of him, ain't no shame in the game. He's bigger than you and stronger than you. If he shook your confidence, that stays be�tween me and you. If you ain't ready to go gansta, pure guerilla on him, then as your husband, you know my position-I'll go out swing�ing for you. But I just want you to remember, one round in a boxing match ain't the whole match... unless you can't get up from the mat."
He hugged her when her body went rigid with silent fury, pleased to see he'd thrown the master switch. "I got your back. If you don't wanna deal, I can dig it. That's why we're a team. If I go down hard, you got me until I can stand, and vice versa."
"He thinks I'm weak because my queens are experiencing a power drain through his mother," she said, yanking back to stare at him.
"So, all right," Carlos said, resuming his philosophical tone, loosen�ing his hold on her to sit on the floor. "They're experiencing a power loss from his bullshit, but ain't there a higher power source, D? One battery that can't nobody drain?"
"Definitely," she said, lifting her chin and glancing away to stare at the tiles.
Relief wafted through him. "Cool, then maybe you just stepped up and graduated to the next level again?" He almost smiled when she snapped her attention back to him. "You always get your lessons faster than me and before me. I'm just learning how to deal with that real�ity without actin' the fool, myself."