Her palm slid over his cheek. "All right, I'm sorry. Yes, I admit it, I was teasing you . . . because I really wanted you to wake up and change your mind."
"I know," he said quietly and then kissed the inside of her palm. "But I can't . . . not after six weeks."
"Not even a little bit?"
For a moment, he just looked at her. "I don't tell myself those kinds of lies anymore." He smiled and turned to fully kiss her."C'mon, D. If you just chill, let your mind drift, soon you'll go to sleep. Ask me how I know."
She deepened the kiss as she caressed the side of his face, loving how new beard stubble had begun to form on it. "I respect what you're telling me, you're making sense, I suppose . . . but damn."
"I know . . . damn." He swallowed hard and leaned his head back, closing his eyes.
She kissed his Adam's apple, making him inhale sharply through his nose. His warm palm slid down her arm and then covered her lower belly, resting there like a hot stone.
"In a little while, you'll be able to feel our kid move . . . and one night ain't worth potentially making you lose what we both dreamed of for so long."
His voice was so tender that hot tears quickly rose to her eyes again. "You're right," she said in a thick whisper. "I don't know why I'm being like this or even crazy enough to take the risk . . . maybe some of me is in denial. I'm even willing to admit to being hormonal-but will stab you if you ever throw that in my face." She chuckled sadly, and then wrapped her arms around herself and simply let the tears fall. "Maybe I wanted to just be the old us for a little while longer because I'm scared shitless about what's gonna happen the bigger I get and the more they come for me . . . if there's ever a day I can't draw my blade and back some demon SOB up.A major part of me is scared to feel the baby move, scared to get seriously pregnant, because if they do something once I know it's a baby-feel it, I'll die."
"Oh, damn," he whispered, gathering her into a hug and stroking her back. "I never knew you had all that going on in your head . . . I was just trying to G-up . . . be a solider about this thing. Wasn't looking at it like that." He began rocking her gently as she sniffed. "Was trying to deflect my basic instinct," he added, trying without success to make her smile.
They sat holding each other for a long time, just gently swaying.
"I ain't gonna let 'em take the baby-I swear, D."
"That's the other thing I'm scared of," she whispered against his chest. "If they come for you hard, like they will-the only other person on the planet other than you who can fight them as crazy as you would is me . . . and I'll be pregnant, not in top Neteru form. So, I'd have to choose between the love of my life and the love of my life, and I know you'd do something crazy like sacrifice yourself so that me and the baby could make it . . . but I'd just be existing if I survived. I wouldn't bemaking it at all. And I wouldn't want to hear about no prophecies, or why the angels came late, or the Kings and Queens couldn't do whatever. The darkside, if they get you, might as well cut out my heart . . . and if they get what I'm carrying, same thing."
She drew a deep, shuddering breath and looked up at him, tears streaming. "I've never had this much to lose in my life and I'm pretty f**ked up right through here. I don't even know why I'm crying all over the place-I knew what was up going into this pregnancy. What the hell is wrong with me? Does being pregnant make you cry so much? I feel like I'm losing it . . . emotions going berserk. Ihate being out of control."
He took her mouth slowly, tasting her tears as he laid her back ever so gently. Kissing away the hot streaks of moisture from her butter-smooth cheeks, he finally rested his forehead against hers, his third eye wide open while his eyes were shut. Words caught in his throat and failed him as he kept his weight off her, but blanketed her with protective heat from his soul. Never had a confession been so profound, so filled with the angst he knew so well . . . so simple, so eloquently put . . . so beautifully painful. Her sweet surrender made his hands tremble as they grazed her supple skin.
From her lips to her chin, his mouth found the cleft in her throat. Brushing the delicate concave with a tender kiss, he adored how it fluttered as her shallow breaths staggered in and out of her lungs and then hesitated. He knew . . . she didn't have to tell him. Her br**sts were heavy and sore. Her ni**les had already begun to change and get larger, yet they also ached for attention. He could feel it, could sense it in her slight arch . . . could smell it as her swollen valley spilled liquid heat.
His gentle kiss against her heart begged her to trust him. In his soul he knew she did when she gathered all the trust she had in her fists while they slowly balled the sheets within them. He understood-goeasy but go,por favor . Her body was crying for release. She was his life-giver, his cup that runneth over, more than his rib . . . his vital organ, hisheart, that blessed vessel that he'd never handle roughly until her contents were pushed into the world healthy and whole.
"Coraz�n . . . te amo."For a moment he had to rest his head against her stomach and simply breathe with his eyes closed.
Gently lifting his old T-shirt from her torso, he stared down at her beauty, making sure the rough cotton texture didn't irritate the overly sensitive skin beneath it. Her br**sts bounced free and for what felt like endless seconds he took in every detail of change in their contour, how the areolas were slightly darker and wider . . . the lobes heavier. A rose tinge of irritation had spread along their underside. He ran his tongue over his incisors, sending them back up into his skull with a wince. Her light breaths quickened as he lowered his mouth to softly bring the tip of his tongue against the tight peaks.
Flesh against flesh contact released her trapped gasp; a soundless whistle of cool air over the angry surfaces produced her moan. A soft, sliding kiss down her torso caused her hard arch that sent a shudder through him. He hesitated, his will bending for a moment.
"Just a little bit," she whispered thickly.
He shook his head as he pulled her cut-off sweatpants over her h*ps and down her calves. "I can't." He stopped her pending argument by gently spreading her thighs and looking at her. He wanted to ride her so hard right now that he dared not chance it. She took a deep breath to begin her protest but his French kiss against her wetness transformed it into a seizing gasp.
The difference in her scent and the new density of her love essence made his eyes cross beneath his lids. Everything about her was becomingmore lush , more sensual, thicker, more earthy. The new taste of her and her surprising texture drew a deep moan from inside his chest. Just a little bit . . . no, he couldn't chance it. Her bud was engorged, had become a meaty grape beneath his slow figure-eight attention to it, and yet she was straining, her mind single-focused. Just a little bit . . . he was dryhumping sheets and mattress. Just a little bit . . . he was losing his mind.
Contractions suckled at his tongue as her h*ps lifted and dipped, trying to capture his fingers and tongue, her voice a low, raw moan of frustration . . . but nothing needed to enter her, he refused to chance it. Refused to givehimself permission to even think about it, regardless of the agony clawing at his scrotum.
Hands under her backside, then holding her hips, he devoured her completely until her voice hit the ceiling. Breathing hard, he stayed with her through the rough tide, hugging her torso until the shattering orgasm ended, and then slowly kissed up her belly, briefly took her mouth, and rolled onto his back panting.
She drew against him like he knew she would and he clenched his jaw so hard that he almost sent his fangs through his bottom lip. She moved to blanket him and all he could do was shake his head. Her body was used to him following through. He could feel her craving him, demanding that their standard not be violated with every slick pelvic rock of temptation. He held her h*ps firmly, considered insanity for a few seconds, and then breathed out the word, "No." She stopped struggling and kissed down hischest, capturing one of his ni**les and making tears fill his eyes.
"I want to return the favor," she whispered, but he grabbed her by her shoulders, halting her slow descent down his body.
"You can't . . . or shouldn't," he said quietly. "Not right now. I'm too . . . justdon't ."
She cradled his face and he closed his eyes. "Why, baby?" she whispered. "You're not contagious, you haven't-"
"Last time I was supposed to be okay. Everybody thought they'd got whatever, that I was cool, but I was carrying around tainted seed from the Chairman's throne . . . shit. I was f**king possessed."