"I thought for sure you two were gonna hook up," Inez said in a faraway voice. "Damn shame he got caught up in the life, and they got him."
"Yeah," Damali said, her tone flat as she dropped her arm and poured more wine. This was definitely a get-fucked-up-and-sleep-on-your-girl's-couch kinda night.
"My mom was hysterical after she got your call," Inez said quietly, her voice sounding even further away. "Sent a bunch of cousins over to my auntie's house to protect me and her, and to visit my uncle after he got out of the hospital," Inez added with a slow smirk. "He left the house mysteriously until my mother got there, and could get her own place with her sister. Never came back, fancy that. Reparations, I suppose?" Then Inez's face went serious. "Why didn't you come back with us till - "
"I couldn't walk back into that house," Damali said fast, standing. She just needed to move. Why was Inez going here tonight? They'd been over a lot of this stuff before.
"But you were lucky. It was dangerous where you were. Once Momma got to LA, it was okay to come back. My uncle was gone. I know you told me, but I never really understood that. I kept thinking it was because, down deep, you never really forgave me." Inez's eyes searched Damali's face now, looking for forgiveness that wasn't required.
"Girl, it wasn't you. I didn't forgive you," Damali said firmly, "because there was nothing to forgive. You didn't do anything wrong!"
Pacing in the small confines, Damali gestured with her hands as she spoke. "You're my girl, my tight. And, yeah, Mrs. Rivera had a lot of crazy shit happening in her house, but, oddly, I felt safe there - like I was supposed to be there, even if for just a short time." She ran her hands through her locks.
"The poor woman and her mother prayed day and night, worked like dogs, Inez. Her crazy-assed sons had taken over the house, were distributing right from it... had all kinds of foot traffic, if you know what I mean. But, shit, as long as Carlos was around, wasn't nooooobody messing with me - not even Alejandro, with his wild, off da hook self."
Inez chuckled. "You mean with his fine, off da hook self. Them Rivera boys was fine, chile. And their cousins wasn't no slouches, either. Guess if I had my choice of where to be..."
"It wasn't even like that, girl," Damali said, chuckling, but frustrated by the reality that Inez might never understand. "His sister gave me a lot of rags to wear, was cool, but strung out like a mug. None of her shit didn't fit her; she'd gotten so skinny. His mom, at first, was like, 'You ain't bringing no Negro punta to my house, Carlos. You loco? Oh no, we don't live like dat.'" Damali put her hands on her hips, approximating the older Latina, designed to make Inez laugh. Designed to make herself laugh.
"Said it to my face, gurl. I was standing right there, my shit all ripped up, dirty, bruised, looking crazy - I wouldn'ta let my son drag nobody home to my house like that, either. Then it was on. They went into this flurry of arguments I couldn't understand, and whatnot. All I could do was stand in the corner and watch. Brother didn't even know me, but dragged me by the arm, pushed me up in his momma's face and said, 'Her foster father tried to molest her, Momma. You gonna go to church and tell the priest in confession that you turned away a child - she's fifteen. Talk to me!' Then he swung his arm around and pointed to a statue of the Blessed Mary and said, 'What the f**k, Momma? You a believer, or what?'"
Damali threw her head back and laughed with Inez and wrapped her arms around her waist tight. Hers was a brittle sound next to Inez's warm melodic tone. She needed to laugh to keep from crying, just as much as she needed to relive the past like a wake. Thinking about Carlos made her whole body hurt.
"I knew I was in, Inez, when the woman started fussing and walked away, grabbed a pile of clothes and a pillow and threw it in my face."
"That's deep, D, for real. We been gurls a long time, and I know you crashed there, but I thought Carlos took you in 'cause, well... and that you didn't really wanna say, 'cause..."
"Noooo," Damali said, her laughter sliding away as new tears formed and fell against her will. "Went against his mom for me, stood up. Then his mom went into this thing about nobody was screwing under her roof, blah, blah, blah - drugs were cool, right, but not screwing."
Damali suddenly chuckled again, and sucked up the tears with an angry sniff, wiping her nose hard with the back of her hand. She walked to the sink and snatched down a paper towel, forcefully blew her nose, and crumpled up the damp paper, then took a deep breath as she cast it into the trash. "That was revenue that Mom Riv turned a blind eye to and just prayed would convert into legitimacy, I guess. Whateva. But her son was not gonna screw no Negro tramp in her house."
Damali slapped her forehead and closed her eyes as she stood in the middle of the kitchen floor. "Heaven help me, it was crazy. She made him actually swear he wouldn't touch me in her house as a condition of me being there - on the Bible - okaaay. And that fool did it - for me."
"Stop lying, D," Inez said, shaking her head and chuckling. "Carlos Rivera put his hand on the Bible, for you? Gurl... you never told me that!"
"At first, I was like, yeah, whateva. That'll hold up for twenty-four hours, till his mom went to work." Damali smiled sadly and let the memory run through her like clean rain. "I thought he'd done it just to get the old bat out of his face. But the more I came to see how he rolled, and how much he cared about his mom... and how truly a sweet lady she was, I knew he wasn't playing. Gave her his word, so that was that."
"D... for real, now. We go way, way back. Brother never tried you?"
Damali just shook her head. "Not over there," she whispered, then found her voice again and spoke louder, but her tone was introspective as she really thought back. The magnitude of what he'd truly sacrificed as a matter of honor, and just for her, hitting her hard..
"I slept on the sofa in my clothes for a month, Inez, and when Alejandro pushed up on me, like he always did any of Carlos's territory, Carlos gave me a nine and said, 'Shoot the bastard if he gets in your face while I'm out handling my business.' Oh... shit... Inez. I have lived a wild life! I cleaned that woman's house from stem to stern every day to keep her off my back and a roof over my head - when she walked in from work, I practically f**king genuflected and brought her a lemonade."
Damali bent over and forced an even harder chuckle as Inez's laughter collided with hers. The floor became blurry and she sucked back new tears along with what was fast becoming hysteria. Oh, shit... they'd killed him. He mighta been a lot of bad things, but he didn't deserve to go out like that.
After a moment, she stood. "Girl... your mother saved my life. Debt cleared, even though there never was no debt between us." Her gaze held Inez's tenderly. "She didn't go to the police, didn't tell where I was."
"Momma understood immigration issues," Inez said, smiling. "She came from Mexico, but Poppi was from Rio - Portuguese, that's why she was there. She got stuck there after he left her." Inez's expression became serious. "Momma understood about being a young woman stuck somewhere with a man, somewhere you might not want to be, but had to stay until you could make your break." Inez sighed hard, the weight of it filling the room. "She hated the authorities, still does, so as long as you said you were okay, she was good with that. Knew if you weren't, you'd tell the world." Inez chuckled softly. "I'm glad you came back to her - us, though, after she got her apartment."
"Me, too," Damali said quietly.
"Glad Mrs. Rivera didn't tell on you."
Damali smirked. "She got to like having a maid, and wasn't about to bring any authorities to her house. Plus, the way I kicked your uncle's ass, they would have tried to pin it on one of her sons. It was all good. It was only a month - but it was a great month." Damali sighed and walked to the tiny window and looked out. "I had so much fun. His sister and her friends were so cool... so nice to me. And even if his boys woulda been game if I was, they chilled and became like a bunch of big brothers, ya know?"
Her voice became very far away as she spoke, suddenly realizing that if she hadn't lived with Carlos briefly, she might not have ever agreed to go into a community-living situation with the guardians. The sheer irony of it made her weary. "I learned a little bit of Spanish, watched the fellas race." She shrugged. "Carlos even taught me how to shoot a nine. Deep. When you think back, it's amazing the things you remember."
"Yeah, girl."