"I got dis tape, sis, I want you to hear - hoi' up, I'ma go get it and be right back. Cool?"
She smiled, she nodded, she signed T-shirts and bare arms. She gave the right answers and passed the huddle slowly, giving encouragement, good wishes, laughing with them, but she kept walking. Her goal was singular. Make it to sanctuary. Get to Inez's door. Don't cry. This is a performance. This is what all those young eyes want to see. She was reaching icon status. Keep the light and hold up your torch. As soon as the inner words hit her, it reminded her of what Carlos had said: "Raise your Isis, baby."
Keep walking. Don't you dare cry, gurl. Not here. Not now. Not in front of the crowd. Keep walking. Keep smiling. Keep from dropping to your knees weeping. Ring the bell. Don't look too long at that young boy with the dark eyes, leaning on your car talking about "Yo, que pasa?" Inez, be home, please, girl, don't do me like this. Open the door, now!
"Damali!"
She didn't even see Inez's face as she barreled into her arms, hugging her tightly, tears now flowing freely, almost hiccuping sobs that she made sound like laughter. Forcing a smile, she allowed Inez to hold her back from her, and then squeeze her hard again.
"Y'all go 'head, now. This is my girl, and I haven't seen her in a minute," Inez said, laughing and shooing the neighborhood away as she shut the door behind them.
Damali's hands were shaking as she wiped away the tears and took deep breaths.
"Look at us," Inez said, wiping her eyes, too. "Crying and laughing and snottin' and shit. This don't make no sense. It hasn't been that long."
Damali swallowed hard, making herself chuckle, and a part of it was no act. It was release laughter. She'd made it to a sanctuary that had not changed. Inez was her girl. As she looked at the deep brown eyes set in a dark walnut face framed by beautiful braids, and her best friend in the whole wide world standing there in a yellow sundress like old times, hands on thick hips, saucy pout, she lost it.
Next thing Damali knew, her arms were around Inez again, just rocking her almost off her feet, laughing to keep from screaming.
"Oh, gurl, I missed you!" That was the truth, as well as the only thing she could say to cover what was really wrong.
It seemed like holding Inez this way was sucking every unshed tear up and out of her. She could almost feel her skin siphoning comfort out of Inez's warm, plump frame. So much had happened, where did one begin? But she'd never put her girl in harm's way by disclosing any of that. Not here, not ever, no matter what.
"Whew," Damali said, as she finally let Inez go and got herself together, still chuckling as she wiped her eyes.
"Girl, get yourself in here and tell me what's been going on," Inez said, looping her arm around Damali's waist and guiding Damali into the kitchen.
All Damali could do was shake her head as she passed through the small, well-kept little apartment. She dropped into a plastic kitchen chair with all her weight, closed her eyes, and leaned her head against the wall. Sanctuary. "Oh, girl, I hate the road. You just don't know."
Inez went right for the wine in the fridge, and went up on her toes to fetch down some chips. The blare of the television was balm to her tattered nerves, just like Inez's voice was. Peace, was the small TV on the counter, street traffic, loud music, kids hollering at each other outside. Peace. Normalcy. Damali could hear her girlfriend working to play hostess, knew exactly what she was doing even with her eyes closed as Inez rooted through her cabinets. More tears slipped down her cheeks.
Here her friend was of such humble means, and the kitchen of her ultra-modern, totally fortified guardian compound could swallow Inez's entire apartment whole by ten times, but Inez was giving to her. The tragic part of it all was, she couldn't even invite her best friend to her place. What, show Inez around the weapons room; show her rocket-propelled grenade launchers? Hook her up with one of her sharpshooter big brothers, all so her girl could be vamp bait and go out like Dee Dee had? No, it would never happen.
Damali's chest was so tight that she almost couldn't breathe as Inez came back to the table, excitement glittering in her eyes, and made the most gracious offering from what little she had.
"Here, sweetie. You know I ain't got much, but mi casa es su casa, always. I know this isn't the good stuff," she said, unscrewing the bottle of wine. Her voice held a bit of shame in its timbre, "If I knew you were coming... but if I've got fifty cents, you'll always have a quarter."
Damali smiled brightly, breathed in deep, and accepted the glass of wine that had been presented in a Dollar Store glass. Didn't Inez know that to her it was Waterford crystal? The cheap wine poured by Inez was better than Cristal, any day. "Girl, you know the same holds true, and I'm not like that. I haven't changed."
Then Inez messed around and put a kiss on Damali's forehead. "That's why I love you so much, and why I'm so proud of you. We all are. You're real, and you haven't changed at all."
"If you ever need anything," Damali whispered, her throat too raw to speak louder. Oh, God, if Inez only knew how much she had. "Just - "
"No, girl. I ain't tryin' to be in your pocket. That's not what our friendship has ever been about." Inez sat down, her eyes holding Damali's the whole time. "Right? We go waaaay back. You made it out. You're living the life we always talked about." Inez clasped Damali's hand across the table. "The demons didn't get you, girl. You made it."
Damali immediately stiffened, then forced herself to relax. "Demons?" Shit. She had almost drawn her blade. If some f**king demons had sniffed out her girl, it was on!
"Chile," Inez laughed. "The entertainment industry demons. You ain't still that superstitious, are you?" Inez laughed harder. "Remember when we were kids and you would swear you always saw some guy in an alley with glowing eyes as we'd pass by? You so crazy, that's why I love you, with your paranoid self."
Making herself laugh along with Inez, Damali sipped her wine. "They almost did get me, though, gurl. I've had some close calls. I went right down into the belly of the beast - you, have no idea." It was the truth, but not a comprehended confession. However, just saying it, and letting a bit of her life out, felt like an anvil was being lifted from her shoulders. "Tell me what's been going on, catch me up."
"The neighborhood ain't changed since you left, except it's gotten worse. But my life is an easy read. I go to work, I type and answer the phone for a nasty old bastard called my boss, and stay one step ahead of bill collectors. Then I go pick up my daughter from day care, come home, make dinner, clean up, put her to bed, and crash and burn to do it all over again. Girl, don't you let no man talk you into having his baby - I love my daughter, don't get me wrong. But she's going through the terrible twos, money gets funny, and life is one long drama trying to get my baby's daddy's trifling ass to act right. We broke up, but that was bound to happen. The relationship was hell. I'm over it."
Damali could only nod and sip her wine. Hell was a matter of perspective.
Inez sighed, her voice going soft as she looked over Damali's shoulder toward the bedroom that she and her daughter shared. "I'll let you peek in on her, but you don't want to wake up that little monster. Her bad ass is possessed, but I love her to death." She brought her gaze back to Damali. "Nothing in the world like having kids. But," she added, taking a liberal sip of her wine, "I'm being selfish, and just want you all to myself for a little while."
Damali reached across the table and covered Inez's hand. "I hear you," she murmured, but wanted so badly to tell Inez not to call her child a monster, not to say that the child was possessed. Words had power. Didn't her girlfriend know?