Part of what she was saying, he knew in his soul, was the stone-cold truth. But he also knew what he'd just seen. There was black smoke. Yet for the moment, words failed him.
She stopped pacing and looked at him hard and folded her arms over her chest, breathing in hot bursts as another fury spike jolted her system. "You know that's how it would go down if the shoe were on the other foot--that's why nary a female in the house--or on the planet for that matter--can just have a lapse without having to seriously think about the chain-reaction consequences to her relationship! A woman can't just claim to have been under the influence, possessed, or whatever! But a man? Sheeit. He's a man and prone to go there anyway by nature, right! A little demon topspin to make the offense allowable; a sistah should have a heart and understand, right?"
"Baby--"
"Save it!" Her arm snapped away from her body as she pointed at him so hard that her hand shook. "Women from fifteen to well beyond fifty, like Marlene, and Marj, and Tara, as well as Krissy, all know, don't even think about going there under any circumstances, unless you want your entire world to change--even if your man has taken a walk on the wild side for whatever reason! They didn't even forgive Eve--and that sister had encountered the f**king Duke of Darkness... but noooo.... She was wrong. She lost her career, position, powers, all sorts of jacked-up shit--they talked about her bad for one lapse, blamed her for misjudgment for centuries, and if you'd ever met her, she's the most refined, regal, def-defying lady I know! Girlfriend is awesome. But if it had been Adam, they would have said, 'Oh, he's a man--go in peace my son. You couldn't help yourself, you were possessed, tricked, lured.' Whateva, Carlos. So don't sweat me about having days or nights like this. So f**k fair--it ain't fair-- and today I ain't feeling reasonable, understanding, or fair, hear me!"
"I'd forgive you, Damali," he said quietly. He didn't know what else to say. Even in her fury, her logic was indisputable, which really worried him. "Under those circumstances, if something stronger than you'd ever run up against got into your system, I'd have to suck it up and let it go." She scowled at him and nodded. "I suppose you would," she said with a sarcastic bite. "Yeah, if you got to play the hero and save me from myself. Then your paradigm of innocent, helpless female versus the seductive monster that took my mind would hold up and you could live with that. Right," she said, nodding and rubbing her jaw like a man to rub her words into his open wound. "Sho' you right, man. Blow the motherfucker up, if it was on yo' woman. But if she was kinda sorta turned on and curious, then she's a whore. Right?"
She walked to the window and gave him her back, rolling her shoulders like a guy about to mix it up for a bar brawl. "I was raised by brothers; know how y'all think. Seen it in the house. It goes like this--if it was a dark entity and you got a chance to lop off its head, then cool. That would be different. Like a Fallon Nuit--type of thang."
Not waiting for him to respond, she spun on him when she heard him draw a breath to speak. "So, I guess the real problem I'm having is just pent-up aggression. I need to chill, right? Suck it up and let it go. Is that it? 'Cause I can't just cut off Juanita's head to make myself feel better, can I? The supposed one who did that was you or looked like you-- and you got to kill it, not me, remember? It'll be all in my face, daily, once the team gets back to business. The only thing saving my sanity is the fact that the poor woman doesn't know and doesn't remember... but she feels it. Why?"
"Damali, baby, I'm begging you--"
"She still feels it because there's something still there for her subconscious to nurse and work with--within both of you! That didn't die. Never will. It's in every glance. You looking at her, hoping she doesn't recall it and wanting to protect her from sudden, brutal knowledge-- because you defiled her and still love her down deep; her looking at you feeling a burn she can't explain... and she's more attached to you now that the old flame got fanned one mo' time. My poor damned brother, Jose, is helpless, not knowing exactly what went down and quietly praying it wasn't his worst fear... doesn't want to deal with even thinking about what mighta happened when the Devil's spawn was in you and his woman was by herself for too long. Hurt him, and I'll kick your ass for it!"
"Damali, do you hear yourself?" Carlos said, looking at her without blinking. "You're talking about kicking my ass over Jose... after what I haven't spoken on between y'all?" He walked toward her slowly, the threat in his stance implicit. "Now I know you done lost your mind."
Damali let her breath out hard as new tears rose to her eyes and her voice faltered. She lifted her chin, seeming not the least bit concerned about his outrage.
"Jose looks at me so hurt sometimes, Carlos, because he knows I have fierce second-sight, with a question in his eyes every time I see him, a question that says, 'D, we're tight, family, you would tell me if you knew, wouldn't you?' And I have to look away from those innocent eyes and play it off. I know in my soul that every time Juanita makes love to him she's still thinking about you! Jose's subconscious can feel it, too."
"Naw, Damali," Carlos said, dragging his fingers through his hair and shaking his head. "That's you projecting your own stuff onto them." He stared at her. "But if you think I need to talk to the brother that can be arranged. I'm tired of this bullshit anyway. Let's just clean house, say what's gotta be said, get everybody clear about--"
"Just stop it," she ordered, more tears coursing as she spoke. "When the two of you are in the same room--"
"Who, D? Me and Jose?" He walked in an agitated circle of disbelief.
"You and Juanita! Don't play me, Carlos. Shabazz bristles like an electric shock is running through him every time you two are in proximity--even though he never saw it! While you were apexing, I had to get you out of the compound! We couldn't even go over there to eat with everybody. The magnetic draw to you was too strong, woulda opened her memory banks, the sensuality oozing off of your ass was that bad. Freakin' Marlene just calmly shut down her third eye and is in denial, hoping this will fade back into the darkness from whence it came. I'm a tactical, and I can feel it all! Fuck you for this, Carlos. I need my space to get my head together, now that your apex rush is out of my system."
"So, the time you spent with me was purely carnal? Just because of my Neteru apex? Didn't have nothing to do with how much we love each other? Didn't have anything to do with the fact that I could forgive what freaked you out and sent you onto the damned beach and into Jose's arms for a minute?" Carlos folded his arms over his chest. "I was possessed; you weren't. I could understand and forgive that old emotions had been brewing for a long and quiet time, ran hot while your head was messed up and--" "And I didn't blow him... when he probably needed me to do that in the worst kinda way... after all those years, like you said. Don't change the subject and play with me this morning."
She folded her arms. He looked away.
"He respected you. I respected you. Both of us always have." She shrugged. "It was a kiss. Yes. We were both infected. Yes. But even with old vibes, even with all the drama of woulda, coulda, possibly shoulda-- it stopped there. Can you say the same thing?"
"That was different, Damali, and you know it. That hurt, too, because I know down deep the man loves you, and there's a part of you that loves him--always will. So a kiss meant way more than what went down during a demon possession moment. Be honest. If, with all that inside of either one of you, had you taken a tumble in a dark throne--the main one--it coulda happened. Don't act like you're so above it. So, I'ma ask you again... wasn't there anything to your staying with me these past weeks more than just an apex?" His eyes silently searched her for affirmation.
She looked away. "What did how much I love you mean when whatever you resented about me went with you and allowed them to open the box--our box, that was once lined with pure silver and filled with nothing but light?" she asked quietly.
"It's still lined with silver for you, baby," he whispered. "Still filled with pure light... now more than it ever has been." He moved to go near her, but her body tensed and he stopped where he stood. "I took its head off. Nothing like that can violate what we have again," he added quietly. "Nothing."
She smiled, but it was an angry, tight expression, not her normally dazzling one. "Only problem is, like I said, I can't just lop off Juanita's head. She's human, and on the Guardian team, at that. Lives in the compound house. And I still have to see her, and she still gives me her ass to kiss when--"
"She doesn't remember what happened, fully," he said, panic in his voice. Yes, they'd argued before, but never like this. "Baby, I've been over it a thousand times."
"If that skank reaches for you in my presence... if I even sense it, I'll--"
"She ain't gonna reach for me, D. Listen to yourself. She don't even remember what happened, and you shouldn't call her a skank. It wasn't her fault. Like you told me, we were all under the influence and reeling from the charge! She might be feeling some mild aftereffect vibe, but she's unaware of how deep it got, so don't call the sister a skank, all right. She's one of us, cool peeps, and took care of my moms and grandmom." The moment the sentence came out of his mouth, he knew he was in deeper trouble. He could feel turbine energy zinging through Damali as she cocked her head to the side.
"Wait. Let me get this right," Damali said coolly, quietly holding up one hand and then closing her eyes. "Are you standing here defending her in my face?"
"Baby--"
"This old lover, one that still has the hots for you, even before you got possessed, and you have the nerve to question me about a guy who literally saved your life, mine, and who I'd never slept with but kissed only one time--after all he'd been through?" Damali's hands went to her h*ps as she leaned halfway across the bed.
Carlos backed up farther in the room. "See, now, D, that's--"