our disposal - which is why they were a must before."
"Then I don't understand," Damali said, now talking with her hands out of frustration.
"Mar, why - "
"It was to bring each couple closer, heal the trust and ego breaches that may have opened up ... a little psychosexual therapy so that understanding, communication, and har mony would return."
Damali closed her eyes and ran her palms down her face with her head leaned back. "Glad it worked, Marlene. You're a genius, as always."
"But, from the tone of your voice and the vibe that Carlos is throwing off, it sounds like you two were the only ones that didn't take my medicine?" Marlene looked at Damali until she returned her gaze.
Damali shrugged and began picking at a nap in her jeans.
"You two are always so danged stubborn, D. Why'd you give that man the blues for doing what his natural impulse is to do?"
"I didn't," Damali said, staring at her jeans and watching them become blurry. "Not once we got alone. He's scared to death, Mar, but would never say it and I'd never put that in his face. He is trying so hard not to make a mistake now, feeling like he's got everybody's life on the line - plus babies, too - that the poor man is in shock. He was cool as long as it was demon to demon, an eye for an eye, a fang for a fang, street justice in full-effect type of thing - like he thought hitting Lilith's lair would be. He was ready for that, could handle it in his head, knew the ins and cuts and had worked the best-case, worst-case scenarios in his brilliant mind down to the bone ... But the moment he really dug it, really realized that On High had sent him that battle charge and it was for real on... I've never seen Carlos quietly freak this hard in my life."
Damali looked up and tried to fight back tears. Marlene pushed off the dresser and came to sit by Damali, moving a stray lock over her shoulder.
"D, baby ... this was what he's been groomed to do all his life. His walk on the darkside and maybe even still owning his fangs so he'd be a hybrid, able to hit them while they were down, come at them like Adam never would, be sly, cunning, courageous, outrageous ... Damali, you've got to make him know what every man in here knows - he was chosen, this time, to set the ball in motion, because only someone as wild and crazy as Carlos could do that - and do it with honor."
Damali slid into Marlene's embrace, her tears wetting Marlene's shoulder. "I tried to tell my husband that," she whispered through thick mucous. "But he keeps thinking of those who died in Morales, seeing their faces on the battle field, hearing their screams, seeing their loved ones break down at all the funerals we went to. And I felt it turn like a hundred parasites under the skin of his brain, struggling with self-created scenes of what would happen if Armageddon forces swept down and took a very pregnant Heather - and then imagining what Dan would do ... shit like that, Mar, is eating him up alive. He's got this kamikaze thing happening in his head, telling himself that he should have gone alone, he was the one that had a beef with Lilith, directly, and this time maybe - even for him - he'd gone too far."
"Aw ... maaaan ..." Marlene breathed against Damali's hair as she rubbed her back.
"His libido is shot to hell, Mar," Damali whispered, squeezing her eyes tightly. Thick mucous from tears collect ing had formed in her mouth, slurring her words as she spoke
in quick, urgent bursts. "After a battle... that they won? Nada. He kept walking around in a circle saying, 'D, I gotta think. Gotta figure out the best way to keep this team safe.' And you and I both know there's no surefire way to do that."
"But every man in here knows it's not Carlos's fault if something happens." Marlene held Damali back from her to stare into her eyes. "They all went, ready to ride or die, like Guardians. They're all celebrating the fact that they were there to kick it off and were a part of making biblical history, and still made it home from the first battle alive. That's why they're so cool about it - what other way is there to be? It was coming, sooner or later, all the signs were there... didn't really matter who started it, and truthfully, after Cain's plummet to a throne and executing Guardians on earth - it was seriously in the stars and close at hand, so ... just tell Mr. Rivera, this time, it's not his fault." Marlene tried to smile. Damali couldn't as she wiped her face.
"Yeah, well, this time, after all those times before when it was his fault, he can't shake the feeling down deep that it might be. Every mistake he ever made is kicking his ass, Marlene. I can feel it like a serpent right under his skin." Damali let her breath out in a frustrated rush. "I mean all the way back, Mar. To like getting his brother killed because he was in the drug biz with Carlos, and Nuit got to him."
"Damn..." Marlene whispered.
"Yeah. Damn. And my husband is in some type of self-gratification exile, trying to be a monk, focused completely on selfless sacrifice, and gets pissed off at himself if he even re
motely thinks of anything that would just be about him." Damali stood and began walking, raking her locks, her voice low and frantic. "It's crazy. I sat up with him almost all night and listened to him telling me about how, after all the self-indulgent shit he'd done in his life, he didn't have the right to drag the entire planet into his beef, and definitely wasn't trying to lose a brother or sister-in-law to anything he'd done. So his way of trying to make up for it was to give up any of his vices."
"Oh, shit," Marlene said, standing and beginning to walk in a dizzying circle with Damali.
"But you're married - even ministers - "
"Yeah, yeah, I know," Damali said, holding up her hands. "But he wants to save that for procreation, which we're not ready to do, okay?"
Marlene stopped pacing. "Are you serious? Carlos?"
"Would I lie about something that freakin' serious, Mar lene?" Marlene covered her mouth, gaping, eyes wide.
" He wants to stay in conference with Adam and Ausar. Wants to remain battle focused and alert to deflect any incursion. Wants to have committee sanction from the archon's table before making any moves ... wants - "
"But his best weapon was the fact that he was unpredictable!" Marlene nearly shrieked and then monitored her voice. "He was our side's loose cannon, our machine gun of high risk, our ace in the hole because his ass was so damned crazy...you have to heal his mind, Damali. Put the Caduceus - "
"He wouldn't let me near him with it," Damali said between her teeth, panic roiling so hard and fast within her that she was becoming nauseous. "Said if the Unnamed One did Lilith in a throne, and he had an old tie there, he didn't want any possibility whatsoever of that blackening the Caduceus, or entering me through him, and - "
"Go to Nefertiti," Marlene said, breathless. "She'll know what to do, maybe her or Aset,
and then they can get Ausar to scan him, check him - "