Inside another cabin, I’d also discovered some of Paxán’s things. After the events of the night, this inclusion had seemed . . . naïvely optimistic. Tears had stung my eyes like needles, but I’d tried to stem them, tried to be strong.
I’d managed to hold back as I washed off and dressed in slacks and a sweater. But now, imagining Sevastyan’s own devastation, my eyes watered once more. Aside from me, he was the only other person alive who understood what the world had lost tonight. “We need to clean your injury and then you can rest.”
“Later.” Without looking away from his course, he said, “You’re not safe.”
“Who were you talking to earlier?” When I’d returned to the cockpit after changing, I’d heard Sevastyan on the phone, speaking in terse Russian: “I’ve never asked you for anything. Secure it.” Then, in a lower tone, “Do you understand the importance of what I’m entrusting to you?” Before hanging up, he’d said, “Do not consider this a chance for something more.”
What had that meant? And why had his very accent changed? It’d sounded like a different dialect.
Maybe a Siberian one? “Will you please talk to me, Sevastyan? I have so many questions, and I’m so sick of being confused.”
He exhaled. “Then ask.”
“What will happen to Paxán?” My voice broke.
Gaze fixed on the horizon, he said, “If those defending Berezka win, they will see to . . . they will take care of him.” His voice was a rasp. “Once I feel it’s safe enough for you to return, we would have . . . the funeral.”
I’d never looked at a man and known he was dying inside. But how could I expect anything different? Sevastyan had chosen me to live—over the man he hero-worshipped.
He’d saved me over his own savior.
How conflicted he must be. For myself, I felt a deep welling of grief. But it was pure.
Sevastyan looked like he was slowly crumbling.
I reached for his good arm. “I only knew Paxán for a couple of weeks. If I loved him this much, I can’t imagine what you must be feeling. I’m so sorry you had to choose.”
“There was no choice,” he said, but the guilt was plain on his face. “You heard his last words.”
I tried not to think about that. About being given. A decree sanctified by blood.
I changed the subject. “Can you at least tell me where we’re going?”
“I don’t know. Don’t know who we can trust. Everything is different now,” he said. “And though Travkin is dead, there will still be danger until all the players know the bounty has expired. The snake still twists even after it loses its head.”
Travkin. Just the name made my blood boil. I wanted revenge against that nameless, faceless thug, blamed him so much more than even Filip. My cousin had merely been the deceitful, ungrateful weapon; Travkin had pulled the trigger. “You truly killed him?”
Sevastyan nodded.
Then even from the grave, Travkin had effected my father’s death. “How did you get to him? He must’ve had an army of guards.”
With a menacing look, Sevastyan bit out, “I was unexpected.”
“That’s all you’re going to tell me?” I asked in disbelief. “Did you know that Travkin had put a bounty on me too?”
Sevastyan finally turned to me. “I found out five minutes before I walked into his customary haunt and plugged a bullet between his eyes.”
I swallowed, trying to imagine this man striding into the lion’s den like that. For me. “You could’ve been killed.”
Gaze back on the water, he said, “You need to rest, Natalie. You were in shock earlier. Go below.”
“I don’t like below. I’ve never been on a boat like this.” The farther we got from Berezka, the rougher the water had become. Hearing the waves slapping against the bottom of the boat terrified me. Surely it was only a matter of time before the hull cracked like an egg. “I’ve never been out on the water when there’s no land in sight.” Strange, even though I had no visual of the shore—no lights shone in the distance—I still felt like the world was burning all around me. Being close to Sevastyan made that feeling recede.
When we hit a larger swell, he muttered, “It’s not a boat; it’s a ship. And you’re perfectly safe on it.”
“All the same.” I climbed up onto the spacious captain’s bench beside him, sitting thigh to thigh. Maybe I needed to be near Sevastyan because of what we’d been through together. Maybe we needed each other because we’d both left pieces of our hearts back at Berezka.
Time passed. I lost my battle against tears. While I silently cried, Sevastyan stared out into the black.