this time, Major. But know you're on our watch list.” So that's what this was all about. They just wanted to let the new kid on the block—me—know who was boss.
“Sure. Thanks,” I said with my best have-a-nice-day smile as they snatched back the 1351-2 and moved toward the door. “And, guys—no matter what everyone else around here says, you're doing a great job. Keep it up.”
Wu and De Silver turned and glared. They weren't used to receiving a “ fuck-you,” no matter how it was couched. The GAO had a problem. They were worried that there was another of those Defense-procured $7600 coffeepots out there, or a $9000 wrench worth a buck fifty, ready to be thrown into their works.
Schaeffer's head appeared around the door again seconds after they left. I wondered whether he'd had a glass to the wall. “You want to fill me in on Japan?” he said. “Now's a good time.”
He disappeared. I gathered I was to follow.
“I warned you about the GAO, Cooper,” he said over his shoulder.
“Yes, sir, you did.”
“What's the upshot?” he asked.
“Don't hurry back, I think is the lesson, sir.”
“Good advice,” he said.
I have no idea if he knew what I was talking about. In the six months I'd been in Chip Schaeffer's section, I'd learned that you could say just about anything as long as you said it nice. We walked past a number of offices, all occupied with personnel hunched over paperwork. I wondered if they were working on cases or sentence construction, and if, like me, they were on probation. I noticed they all glanced up when we walked past—not much happens around here. I also noticed they all sat facing their doors. They reminded me of moray eels in their holes. The area was gloomy, the dour atmosphere accentuated by the extensive use of overhead fluorescent tubes, most of them dusty. We were in D-ring, the hall that, colonlike, runs right through the center of the complex. This meant we had zero natural light. In fact, our offices had very little of anything in the way of staff-friendly amenities, an indication, I believed, of the department's true place in the pecking order. By comparison, I'd heard the GAO had a wet bar and sauna in theirs.
Captain Schaeffer's box was twice the size of mine, though also windowless. I finally understood why he was so keen on the fish tank. It bubbled away happily in one corner, lit up like a Tokyo shopping center. I counted two clown fish plus a couple of arrivals that had been added since my trip to the Sea Breeze, and saw that the octopus was still throttling the boat. I didn't see any sharks.
Schaeffer's desk was littered with paperwork. The wall behind his chair was a shrine to the heavyweights of D.C. There was a picture of the current President, flanked by a snap of the Secretary of Defense. Between and below the two men hung a photo of the Chief of Naval Operations, a woman. She smiled like she had something going with the other two.
“So, this scientist. What happened? Give me the bottom line.”
“Sir, Tanaka had been drinking. He went out on deck, presumably to get some air. Somehow, for reasons that may never be established on account of there being no witnesses, he ended up in the near-freezing water where he was eaten by a shark.” I neglected to add that this was one of the rare instances where the sashimi actually got even.
“Just as the preliminary from the Tokyo Police had it figured.” Schaeffer nodded. “So you're done with the case?”
“Pretty much, Captain. Got a few procedural aspects to clear up.” This was me, playing for time. It would hardly do for the department supposedly overseeing matters of procedure to be seen bucking it. What I wanted was time to check up on Professor Boyle and his employer, Moreton Genetics, before being redeployed in the war on grammar. Something about the guy troubled me, besides the odd Tupperware haircut.
As expected, Schaeffer said, “Better get on with it then. Dismissed.”
I went back to my office. I shut down all the internal software on my PC and opened a Web browser. A window came up reminding me of the U.S. government's policy about downloading files with viruses, cookies, and pornography. The advice: Don't. I brought up Google and behaved like a normal, everyday nosy citizen. I tapped “Sean Boyle, Ph.D.” into the search bar and pressed return. There were plenty of