whom I turned and gave major eye contact. "You heard?"
"Yes," he said simply.
"You know I don't normally share information about ongoing investigations."
"You are very careful about it," he said, and that amazing face was still pleasant, still neutral.
"I have to be if I'm going to be a cop."
"I understand that, ma petite." Again, that careful voice.
"I can make both of you promise, word of honor, and all that shit, to tell no one, and I know you'll do it."
"Word of honor, and all that shit," he repeated, but there was a faint edge of his French accent, and that, more than anything else, let me know how upset he was; the accent came out only when he wished it to, or when he was very emotional.
I looked up at Asher, who was still standing by the bed. "You, too, blondie."
"I will do what you and Jean-Claude wish me to do. I have caused enough problems with my childish behavior."
"I wish you meant that," I said.
He looked down, giving me the full weight of those pale blue eyes, through that lace of golden hair. "I mean every word I say."
I sighed. "You do, don't you?"
"Oui," he said.
"You are sorry, but you also meant everything you yelled at us earlier, and you meant to hurt me so that no one else could have certain skills from me for a while."
"Can you not forgive me?" he asked.
I waved it away. "Ask me later; right now I'm about to break a rule, one that could cost me my badge. There are people on the force who want to get rid of me for sleeping with you guys, and this could be excuse enough, but if one of these missing bombs blows up and hurts someone I care about, the job won't mean much to me." I thought about it for a few more seconds, but in the end I weighed love higher than my badge, and that meant that Larry and everyone else who thought sleeping with the monsters divided my loyalties were partially right. They were right, because I called Claudia, and told her to tell our security at all of our businesses to look for the damn things. There was a chance that our guards would keep the secret, and they swept for listening devices almost every damn day. They could just accidentally find the bombs when they were looking for electronic bugs. In fact, they probably would have found them, if they were there to be found, either way. But I didn't know much about explosives. I didn't know if searching for bugs would have made them miss bombs, I just didn't know, and I wasn't willing to take the chance.
Yes, I was dating too many people, and taking care of too many people. Yes, I was a little overwhelmed by it sometimes, but I was also happier than I'd ever been in my life, and I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose anyone that I loved. If that eventually cost me my badge, so be it.
Was I a U.S. Marshal, or Jean-Claude's human servant? Was I a Marshal, or Micah's Nimir-Ra? Was I a police officer, or Nathaniel's sweetie? Was I an officer, or Nicky's master? Was I a cop, or the new Mistress of Tigers of Sin, and Dev, and Jade, and Ethan, and Crispin, and... Could I keep being a cop and be everything else?
I sat there on the edge of the bed and, for the first time, really thought the answer might be no.
Chapter Forty
WE DIDN'T FIND any bombs, and thanks to the wererats and some of the ex-military in both the werehyenas and wereleopards, we had people who knew what they were doing. If there had been anything to find, I trusted our people to find it. I got the official go-ahead from Dolph about three hours after Brice had called and warned us. Three hours is a long time to wait to warn people.
Dolph ended the conversation with, "I'm sorry, Anita."
"What about?" I asked.
"That some people are more interested in the case than in keeping people safe. Some of these guys are as conflicted about the preternatural community as I was a couple of years back." That was a lot for him to admit.
"Thanks, Dolph, that means a lot coming from you."
"I don't understand the whole fascination with the preternaturals, but I know my son is still happy, and I've never seen you happier than you are right now. The wife